There are certain phrases or quotes that tend to get under our skin when we hear them. Whether they give us bad visuals or we associate them with bad times or people we can't stand. I have a list of such phrases I would like to share with you and feel free to chime in with yours.
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"Thanks in Advance" - Your dumbass is assuming that I'm going to do as you requested!
"There are more fish in the sea": But how many more are as crazy as the one I tossed back? Can I fish in a different sea if this one keeps producing rotten fish?
Give 110%---Only if you give me a 110% raise asshole! Until then I will give you the same 50-75% I have always given, depending on my mood!
Take it one day at a time- Well unless an old man and a kid in a vest jacket show up in a time traveling Delorean I don't have a choice now do I?
YOLO- This is an excuse for people to do stupid shit that tends to get some killed or seriously injured!
With all due respect- Well we all know the next words out of your mouth are going to be negative and/or an opinion I don't give a shit about. So do us all a favor and shut the fuck up!!
Just Sayin'- Am I the only one who wants to choke a motherfucker when that is said? I look at the person because that phrase is usually preceded by a sentence so stupid you look at them and think "Are you out of your God damn mind"?
I apologize for making you feel that way- So instead of taking responsibility for being a jackass this is what you come at me with?
Needless to say- Well if you don't need to say it, why the fuck are you?
This person really needs no introduction- Well with you kissing their ass like that of course they don't.
Be that as it may- Can you be anymore condescending? How about you go fuck yourself?
The Ron Says!
Doing what I do best...talk!
Monday, May 08, 2017
Saturday, October 15, 2016
I Remember When
Well another year as come and gone. 2008 came and went without even saying goodbye...2008 we hardly knew ya. The older you get it seems time travels faster and faster. I have a tendency to be a little more reflective than other people. Some have said that I tend to live in the past. I remember the past so that I can learn from it and grow from it. I have decided to list a few memories...historical, pop culturish, personal observations etc.
--This year we have seen many stores close Mervyn's, KB Toys and Steve and Barrys as joined Gemco, Fedco, Zodees, Alpha Beta and Lucky as stores that we all at one time or another shopped at and now no longer exist. The more stores close the less choices we are given. Less competition means higher prices....pretty soon we will be left with 2 choices...Target or Wal Mart.
--We take cell phones for granted. There is a whole generation of people who cannot remember a time without cell phones. I can remember even before pagers..when if my mom was looking for me she would stick her head out of the window and yell my name or call several numbers to track me down. Nowaday parents include their 8 year olds on their Cell phone plans. Ive seen kids as young as 8 or 9 texting on a cell phone. Hell I can remember when if my pager went off I had to dig into my roll of quarters and find a pay phone to call the person who called me. Or paging a friend with a bogus number...like the number to a nudie bar or the Gay/Lesbian hotline lol.
--The internet- I can remember if I had a term paper to write that I would have to goto a library and look at endless rolls of microfilm of old newspapers. Dust off encyclopedias and read outdated information. Checkout books and read page after page of information in hopes of finding some usefull information. Then gathering all my notes and typing the paper on my typewriter. I didnt have spell check...my spell heck was my mom who would read my rough draft and then I would have to go back and correct any mistakes and rewrite the paper. There are some who are reading this blog who cannot even fathom what I have just written. Now a whole term paper can be researched and written without leaving your room or dorm.
--I can remember football in Los Angeles- Raiders, Rams, Express and Extreme are all teams that played in Los Angeles. Express and Extreme? The Express plaved in the mid 80s in the now defunct USFL and played at the Memorial Colisseum...hell a certain Steve Young even Quarterbacked that team. The Extreme? They played in the Vince McMahon owned (Yes that Vince Mcmahon) Extreme football league...the Extreme are the last team to win a championship in LA.
--This year we have seen many stores close Mervyn's, KB Toys and Steve and Barrys as joined Gemco, Fedco, Zodees, Alpha Beta and Lucky as stores that we all at one time or another shopped at and now no longer exist. The more stores close the less choices we are given. Less competition means higher prices....pretty soon we will be left with 2 choices...Target or Wal Mart.
--We take cell phones for granted. There is a whole generation of people who cannot remember a time without cell phones. I can remember even before pagers..when if my mom was looking for me she would stick her head out of the window and yell my name or call several numbers to track me down. Nowaday parents include their 8 year olds on their Cell phone plans. Ive seen kids as young as 8 or 9 texting on a cell phone. Hell I can remember when if my pager went off I had to dig into my roll of quarters and find a pay phone to call the person who called me. Or paging a friend with a bogus number...like the number to a nudie bar or the Gay/Lesbian hotline lol.
--The internet- I can remember if I had a term paper to write that I would have to goto a library and look at endless rolls of microfilm of old newspapers. Dust off encyclopedias and read outdated information. Checkout books and read page after page of information in hopes of finding some usefull information. Then gathering all my notes and typing the paper on my typewriter. I didnt have spell check...my spell heck was my mom who would read my rough draft and then I would have to go back and correct any mistakes and rewrite the paper. There are some who are reading this blog who cannot even fathom what I have just written. Now a whole term paper can be researched and written without leaving your room or dorm.
--I can remember football in Los Angeles- Raiders, Rams, Express and Extreme are all teams that played in Los Angeles. Express and Extreme? The Express plaved in the mid 80s in the now defunct USFL and played at the Memorial Colisseum...hell a certain Steve Young even Quarterbacked that team. The Extreme? They played in the Vince McMahon owned (Yes that Vince Mcmahon) Extreme football league...the Extreme are the last team to win a championship in LA.
ACDC Concert 12/14/2008
Last weekend I saw ACDC at The Forum in Inglewood (Where the Lakers used to play). ACDC is one of the hardest rocking groups of all time and last weekend they lived up to the billing. They startout wih a huge movie screen showing a train rolling right along and the sound is just deafening until it builds to a creshendo and a huge train breaks through the screen with fire and ACDC starts out with their new song "Rock and Roll Train". They have such a huge library of music that they could play for hours...but they play for a good 2 hours plus and the only 2 major songs that I noticed were missing were "Big Balls" and "Who Made Who". "They were so loud that when we left the concert my ears were ringing pretty loudly. Im just hoping if they comeback around that they play someplace else other than the Forum.
The Forum was sold out and you can tell because the small hallways were filled with people...including the drunk lady who insisted ob me escorting her to the tequila stand as I was walking to the restroom and telling me how good I smelled...she insisted that it reminded her of a scent from the 80's (It was Axe Body spray) she finally spotted the tequila stand and I found a stairwell that looked like it led to a dungeon but in actuallity it led to the restroom which obvously hasnt been redone since The Forum opened 30+ years ago. Only older arenas actually use troughs to urinate in. For those that dont know a trough is just ne long receptacle that alllows for many guys to piss at the same time or give Gay guys a free peak at your package. Being the germphobe that I am I abhor the thought of a drunk guy standing elbow to elbow with me as he drunkingly pisses....this has no appeal to me and since all the stalls were taken and the restroom was so full we were like sardines and I had to piss REALLY BAD...so low and behold there was the cleaning closet. I peaked in and saw a drain used to dump mop water into. The light buld went on in my head..I walked in and closed the door and pissed down the drain. Avoiding some drunken stoned dude pissing on me...I open the door and leave. People were laughing their ass off..hell one guy who was having to go badly even went in after me to use the drain.
The Forum is a decent place to watch a concert, but the area it is in (Inglewood) is not a very nice area. Now Im sure a majority of the people that live there are good hardworking people, but its that 5% of assholes that can give a city a bad image. Take the guys in the lot who were selling t-shirts...like the guy who obviously has smoked some crack in his life who basically talked so fast it was like reading the following sentence..."wouldyouliketobuyatshirtfor$10?" I had to slow it down in my head and wonder to myself if he was a crack head or he spoke swahili?
My friend Kellie who I went to the concert with cant go anywhere without being recognized by somebody. We are at Sizzler...In Inglewood...miles from the good old Inland Empire...we are even waiting for the arena to clear out before leaving...we wait a good 20 minutes to leave...we walk through the tunnel...and all of a sudden we hear..."Kellie is that you?" It's one of her regular customers that go to her particular Rubios everyweek...Deja Vu huh?
Urinal Etiquette
The other day I was at the movies and when I went to use the restroom a guy violated one of Guy's longest standing rules...when there are 3 urinals...its man..empty urinal...and then you take the next urinal....this guy took the one right next to mine....what the fuck dude?? So this is for those guy's out there who are unsure of our unwritten code...
When using a urinal never stand directly beside another guy who is in the process. Also, when entering an empty washroom with more than one urinal, always take one on the outside. This will allow another guy to have the one urinal gap which is an important guy rule. In a washroom with three urinals, no matter what, NEVER take the middle one. Two urinals in a washroom is bad, there should always be one empty, even if you have to go bad. In this situation use a toilet, blow your nose or wash up, but do not use the one open urinal. Washrooms with three or more urinals are good because it allows two guys to go at once. This is a very important rule for all guys who are really Guys."
When using a urinal never stand directly beside another guy who is in the process. Also, when entering an empty washroom with more than one urinal, always take one on the outside. This will allow another guy to have the one urinal gap which is an important guy rule. In a washroom with three urinals, no matter what, NEVER take the middle one. Two urinals in a washroom is bad, there should always be one empty, even if you have to go bad. In this situation use a toilet, blow your nose or wash up, but do not use the one open urinal. Washrooms with three or more urinals are good because it allows two guys to go at once. This is a very important rule for all guys who are really Guys."
My Time at Mervyn's
For those that don't know Mervyn's is a department storehere in California with a few stores in other states. It also happened to be my first job out of high school....so Im kind of saddened to see it close. Mervyn's has become another victim of the God awful economy.
June 1989 I had just graduated high school and my Step dad pretty much handed me the want ads and said it was time to get a job. I applied at some restaraunts and a few other stores without any luck and then I applied at Mervyn's and a few weeks later I got my call back...had my first job interview and I was hired.
Working retail however you really find out how stupid people really can be. Need proof?
How about the lady who came up to me and asked what size jeans her husband wears...I asked where her husband was and she said at home. I asked how am I supposed to know? She replied dont all men wear the same size??
Or the lady who called and asked if our Nintendos were on sale...now Mervyns is a clothing store. I looked at the phone and told the lady with a straight face...they sure are.
Or the lady who asked me what she should get her husband for Christmas. Ok lady...you are married to him and you dont know his likes and dislikes.
Of course there were some good customers...one time I was working the fitting room and handing out numbers when this girl who I guess was a cheerleader walked in with some mens jockey underwear...I guess they wore them under their uniform and asked to try them on...who was I to say no?
I liked the Arabs who would come and buy 501s in bulk so they could sell them back home for some good cash. I would help them out to their car and would always get a good tip out of it. $50 one time...of course my boss would tell me I couldnt accept tips...hell I was making $4.35 an hour of course Im going to accept tips damnit!!
Then I got fired for going on my day off and getting a discount for my friend Jerry...so we would say how much did Jerrys pants cost? They cost Ron's job!!! As they said in the movie Friday...."How are you going to get fired on your day off??" Well I did.
There was the time another gorgeous woman had some questions that took all 3 males that were working at the time to answer it and then when a kind of large woman needed help we told her we would be with her in a minute.
Or the time I had just finished folding and straghtening the entire Levi wall and the Upland earthquake hit...knocking every jean out of the wall leaving me holding the last jean...so I just threw that one on the ground with the rest.
June 1989 I had just graduated high school and my Step dad pretty much handed me the want ads and said it was time to get a job. I applied at some restaraunts and a few other stores without any luck and then I applied at Mervyn's and a few weeks later I got my call back...had my first job interview and I was hired.
Working retail however you really find out how stupid people really can be. Need proof?
How about the lady who came up to me and asked what size jeans her husband wears...I asked where her husband was and she said at home. I asked how am I supposed to know? She replied dont all men wear the same size??
Or the lady who called and asked if our Nintendos were on sale...now Mervyns is a clothing store. I looked at the phone and told the lady with a straight face...they sure are.
Or the lady who asked me what she should get her husband for Christmas. Ok lady...you are married to him and you dont know his likes and dislikes.
Of course there were some good customers...one time I was working the fitting room and handing out numbers when this girl who I guess was a cheerleader walked in with some mens jockey underwear...I guess they wore them under their uniform and asked to try them on...who was I to say no?
I liked the Arabs who would come and buy 501s in bulk so they could sell them back home for some good cash. I would help them out to their car and would always get a good tip out of it. $50 one time...of course my boss would tell me I couldnt accept tips...hell I was making $4.35 an hour of course Im going to accept tips damnit!!
Then I got fired for going on my day off and getting a discount for my friend Jerry...so we would say how much did Jerrys pants cost? They cost Ron's job!!! As they said in the movie Friday...."How are you going to get fired on your day off??" Well I did.
There was the time another gorgeous woman had some questions that took all 3 males that were working at the time to answer it and then when a kind of large woman needed help we told her we would be with her in a minute.
Or the time I had just finished folding and straghtening the entire Levi wall and the Upland earthquake hit...knocking every jean out of the wall leaving me holding the last jean...so I just threw that one on the ground with the rest.
Drunken Stories
I refer to the years 1993-1998 or so as my drinking years, before I go into some of my "drunk" stories that I accumulated during that time let me give you a brief backgorund on my drinking. I honestly didnt touch a drink until I turned 21. I knew from my mom that my real dad was an alcoholic and knowing that can be hereditary...I decided to wait and when I did turn 21 I eased into it by only drinking wine coolers. Hell I didnt have a beer until I went into the Army..after that it was on!!! When I got home my friends who knew me before I enlisted couldnt believe the drunk I had become. So lets indulge in a few of my more infamous moments.
New Years Eve 1993- It was December 31st 1993 and I was going to leave for Basic Training for the Army in over a month. I still was a lightweight when it came to drinking so I didnt drink mixed drinks or beer...but I discovered a drink that tasted a lot like 7-Up or Sprite called Zima. We were at a club in Riverside called Harry C's and I just remember I was pounding these things...my friends told me I was so fucked up that I was trying to take the tip money from a waitress as I was flirting with her. There's still a picture of me somewhere out there sitting in a recliner drunk out of my mind and soon to be sick with pneumonia because when you drink that weakens your immune system and at the time I had a cold. I looked like hell.
July 1994-- My first beer (Uh oh)
On Fort Lee we had a boxing gym that was converted into a Sports Bar/Dance Club that we would all go drinking at on Fridays and Saturdays. My buddy bought the first round and not wanting to be a spoil sport and took a swig of my first beer...MGD. Wow...this isnt half bad I thought. I was feeling pretty good but not like I would in the following weeks at Ft Lee. It got to the point where Id go up to the bar and order a pitcher of beer and the waitress would ask how many mugs I wanted...and Id say none...the pitcher is my mug damnit!! One weekend we rented a room at the Holiday Inn at Virginia Beach and I got so fucked up I was throwing up off of the balcony. I finally got some food in me and started to sober up.
Late July 1994
I had just gotten home and my friends had no idea the lush I had become. I goto my friend Jerry's house and he is having a get together. Im getting really fucken wasted when my best friend Joe shows up with is soon to be Bride who he had told about me. Joe hadnt seen me in months and here I am laid out on Jerry's front yard laughing my ass off as I look up and see Joe. Joe says this is my girl Carla I shake her hand from the lying down position as at this point I really shouldnt be standing. So I met my one of my best friend's fiancee from the prone position....go figure.
Spring 1995
A Friday after a night of drinking I had to goto class the next day and I was not feeling to good. I get to my class at Mt SAC and Im drinking a lot of water trying to get myself where I need to be. Finally I had to goto the restroom...so I walk down the hallway and enter what I thought was the men's room. I walk in and think.."Where the fuck are the urinals?". I go into the bathroom stall to pee and I look near the toilet paper roll and think..."What the fuck is that?" Just then the door opens and I hear female voices...It hits me..."IM IN THE FUCKEN WOMENS RESTROOM"!!! Oh shit....all of a sudden I was 100% again. So I open the stall and say restrooms closed...Im here to look at the plumbing!! The women walk out and I breathe a sigh of relief...I open the door to see if anybody is there and nobody is so I leave before I get into any trouble.
New Years Eve 1995
Myself and my friends Shaun and Jaime decide to spend New Years at Kelly Mccues in Chino. I got so blasted that night that my beer goggles were most definitely on. Shaun Im hoping no longer has a picture of me dancing with a rather large woman as she kisses my cheek. Im so hoping that pic no longer exists.
I really stopped drinking because of what i was becoming...I was overweight, drinking to forget about somethings that were going on from 1996-1997. Those were so really bad times. As a matter of fact Id say after I moved to Claremont...I very rarely drink anymore....but it is fun to look back and laugh at some of the things I did.
New Years Eve 1993- It was December 31st 1993 and I was going to leave for Basic Training for the Army in over a month. I still was a lightweight when it came to drinking so I didnt drink mixed drinks or beer...but I discovered a drink that tasted a lot like 7-Up or Sprite called Zima. We were at a club in Riverside called Harry C's and I just remember I was pounding these things...my friends told me I was so fucked up that I was trying to take the tip money from a waitress as I was flirting with her. There's still a picture of me somewhere out there sitting in a recliner drunk out of my mind and soon to be sick with pneumonia because when you drink that weakens your immune system and at the time I had a cold. I looked like hell.
July 1994-- My first beer (Uh oh)
On Fort Lee we had a boxing gym that was converted into a Sports Bar/Dance Club that we would all go drinking at on Fridays and Saturdays. My buddy bought the first round and not wanting to be a spoil sport and took a swig of my first beer...MGD. Wow...this isnt half bad I thought. I was feeling pretty good but not like I would in the following weeks at Ft Lee. It got to the point where Id go up to the bar and order a pitcher of beer and the waitress would ask how many mugs I wanted...and Id say none...the pitcher is my mug damnit!! One weekend we rented a room at the Holiday Inn at Virginia Beach and I got so fucked up I was throwing up off of the balcony. I finally got some food in me and started to sober up.
Late July 1994
I had just gotten home and my friends had no idea the lush I had become. I goto my friend Jerry's house and he is having a get together. Im getting really fucken wasted when my best friend Joe shows up with is soon to be Bride who he had told about me. Joe hadnt seen me in months and here I am laid out on Jerry's front yard laughing my ass off as I look up and see Joe. Joe says this is my girl Carla I shake her hand from the lying down position as at this point I really shouldnt be standing. So I met my one of my best friend's fiancee from the prone position....go figure.
Spring 1995
A Friday after a night of drinking I had to goto class the next day and I was not feeling to good. I get to my class at Mt SAC and Im drinking a lot of water trying to get myself where I need to be. Finally I had to goto the restroom...so I walk down the hallway and enter what I thought was the men's room. I walk in and think.."Where the fuck are the urinals?". I go into the bathroom stall to pee and I look near the toilet paper roll and think..."What the fuck is that?" Just then the door opens and I hear female voices...It hits me..."IM IN THE FUCKEN WOMENS RESTROOM"!!! Oh shit....all of a sudden I was 100% again. So I open the stall and say restrooms closed...Im here to look at the plumbing!! The women walk out and I breathe a sigh of relief...I open the door to see if anybody is there and nobody is so I leave before I get into any trouble.
New Years Eve 1995
Myself and my friends Shaun and Jaime decide to spend New Years at Kelly Mccues in Chino. I got so blasted that night that my beer goggles were most definitely on. Shaun Im hoping no longer has a picture of me dancing with a rather large woman as she kisses my cheek. Im so hoping that pic no longer exists.
I really stopped drinking because of what i was becoming...I was overweight, drinking to forget about somethings that were going on from 1996-1997. Those were so really bad times. As a matter of fact Id say after I moved to Claremont...I very rarely drink anymore....but it is fun to look back and laugh at some of the things I did.
The Funniest Prank I Have Ever Seen
Now I have seen some good pranks on people but my friend Joe played one that to me will always be in the prank Hall of Fame. I was living in Chino at the time on the same street as a mutual friend Luie. I was looking out my window and noticed 2 figures behind Luie's car as it was dark I could not recognize them. So I went outside with a bat in case they were 2 people up to no good with my friend's car. One of them looks up and says it's me Joe...so I dropped the bat and walked over and saw Joe and a friend putting a license plate frame on the back of Luie's car that simply read..."Gay Pride 89..So Many Men So Little Time". I just about busted a gut laughing my ass off...I just looked at Joe and said that's fucked up...but funny as hell dude!!! So after he finished I went back to my house and Joe and his friend left. Now Luie had a security job and I was going to college fulltime so I hardly ever saw him. So a few days went by and I saw Luie washing his car...so I went to say whats up. Im trying so hard to suppress my laughter at the plate frame which was still on the car days later. After rinsing the car Luie gets his towels and begins to dry...he gets to the rear of the car and all I hear Luie say is..."WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT???" I got up pretending to not know what he was talking about and walk to where he is and he is staring at the plates..."GAY PRIDE!! WHAT THE FUCK??" "NO WONDER PEOPLE HAVE BEEN HONKING AT ME AND FLIPPING ME OFF!!!". At this point I cant hold it in and just laugh harder that Ive ever laughed before..."MAN THIS ISNT FUNNY"!! He walks in to the garage and gets a screw driver to get the frame off. That Mr. Rinie was one of the funniest things I have ever seen my friend!! Right up there with shooting Ken in the ass with a bb gun
The 27 LB Barracuda
In 1999, my second year of working at McKinley Children's Center there was a fishing trip that we took. We loaded up 4-5 vehicles with kids and staff and headed out to Long Beach where the L.A. Rod and Reel Club was sponsoring an all day fishing excursion for foster kids and underpriviledged kids and the lucky staff who got to bring them. After loading up the boats we headed out. We were a good distance from shore as I could no longer see land...along the way we stopped to pick up some bait which was smaller fish that they had netted up for us. What made the trip great is that we got to fish as well as the kids and the Rod and Reel members were mostly helping the kids so I was able to do my thing without having to worry about the kids. As this was my first time fishing in the great Pacific I was looking forward to this. After baiting my hook and dropping my line I waited a few minutes...after a few minutes I caught a pretty good sized Sand Bass...it put up a decent fight...but I was able to reel him in. The kid next to me Albert was getting kind of frustrated because everybody around him including me had caught something. So I set my pole down and decided to help him out. So I told him that he hadnt released his line as far as it could go. So I recast his line and let it sink as far as it could go. As it was going I was explaining to him to be patient and he would catch something...just then I felt a very strong tug that just about pulled the pole from my arm. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT" I thought "What the fuck was that??"...the guy next to me exclaimed..."You got a big one"!!! "I thought no shit Sherlock what was your first clue? My arm pulling from its socket??" So he was telling me how to reel him in. But as he was telling me the fish started putting up a good fight....he was on the line and then wrapped himself to the back of the boat and in the process took some of the other fishing lines that were cast with him. Everybody was watching in amazement and waiting to see if I could catch him. I turned the reel and pulled....repeated the action....the guy was cheering me on and Albert was watching wide eyed and amazed. After about 10 minutes of this I was getting tired...and this whatever it was....wa sputting up a hell of a fight...all of a sudden we saw it jump from the water and back in...."Holy God!!! What the fuck was that I thought?" The rod and reel guy said thats a bigbarracuda!!...he runs and grabs a net and tells me to keep doing what Im doing. When the fish gets close enough he reaches out and gets it into the net. About 15-20 minutes after the struggle began....I caught the bastard. Man it was ugly....with razor sharp needle like teeth. As Im breathing hard, my arms are sore and Im ready to go sit down I hear Albert yell...I got one I got one....referring to fish I had just fought with. I just looked at him and thought...."I did all the work you little bastard". You want to see what the fish looks like goto my photo album I have a pic of it there. |
4th of July with all of its explosiveness and temptaions is filled with memories for me...let me share a few of them.
Some of you who remember an earlier blog about how we accidently shot our neighbor in the ass with a bb gun...will feel even more sorry for him after this story. I was about 16 when this takes place. My friend Luie (The one who shot Ken in the ass) had some how procured a very large number of bottle rockets prior to the 4th of July...so many that if he tried lighting them one by one by himself he wouldve been at it for awhile. So in his benevolence and probably a bad idea...he decided to share with the rest of us...the rest of us being my friends Joe Rinie, Luies brother Anthony and I cant remember who else. We all made these bazooka looking things out of plastic pipes and all sat down along the street to light the bottle rockets....oh did I mention that my street was hosting its annual 4th of July Block Party and everybody was sitting along the street watching people light the "Safe and Sane" Fireworks. We were what we thought...out of the way lighting our bottle rockets one after another. I mustve lit about 20 of them as they shot one after another into the air...but I lit one and all of a sudden it shot up...went side ways and landed in a certain neighbors lap."GOD DAMNIT YOU GUYS!!" he yelled....I had the look of oh shit on my face. Ken jumped up and stamped out everything before it could do any damage...but his nerves and his temper were shot...he comes stomping down the street to where we were and yells..."You kids need to stop lighting those bottle rockets before somebody gets hurt!!"
II. Before I moved to Chino I lived in Cerritos and before that In Artesia. I was 12 when this story takes place. While in Artesia there was this kid that lived on my street that everybody and anybody hated. I had only lived on the block a few months when this skinny kid with a bowl cut comes down to where I was living...I was out in my garage throwing darts..when this kid goes walking by...looks my way and just flips me the middle finger...Im like who the hell is this kid? I had recently become friends with my neighbors Shan, Derrick and Vel...the explained to me that the skinny kid was Michale Fayerweather and he had been kicked out of every school in the district because people keep kicking his butt. From my initial encounter I could see why.
Well fast forward through numerous confrontations, me pummeling this kid on a couple of occasions, me watching a mob of kids who I told where Michale lived try and get Michael out of his house...fast forward to the 4th of July. My friend Jae who looked older had bought us some smoke bombs...we were infront mf my house lighting them when I look up and see Michael peek up from his wall and say "Jae is a fucking gook and Ron is a fag!!!" He then starts throwing oranges in our direction....we take cover in my garage and wait..he finally stops and we dont here anything. I look at Jae and say..give me a bomb..he hands me a smoke bomb and we walk to Michaels house...Jae and I decide to light 3 smoke bombs and drop them in the mail slot that is attached to Michael's front door...we drop them and run top speed back to my garage and sit on the couch and act like we are innocent...of course down the street theres a house with blue, red and white colored smoke coming out of windows and doors...Michael and his sister Tracy come out front coughing and looking our way...little did we know that they callled the police.
The LA County Sheriff pulls up and talks to Michael and he points our way...the sheriff walks over to us and asks if we had thrown any smoke bombs in Michaels house...we fessed up and pointed at the oranges that Michael had thrown at us...the sheriff said we overreacted and asked to speak to our parents..he talks to my mom and Jae's folks and after a while he finally leaves. Our folks chastised us...but they knew Michael's M.O. and laughed it off.
II. Before I moved to Chino I lived in Cerritos and before that In Artesia. I was 12 when this story takes place. While in Artesia there was this kid that lived on my street that everybody and anybody hated. I had only lived on the block a few months when this skinny kid with a bowl cut comes down to where I was living...I was out in my garage throwing darts..when this kid goes walking by...looks my way and just flips me the middle finger...Im like who the hell is this kid? I had recently become friends with my neighbors Shan, Derrick and Vel...the explained to me that the skinny kid was Michale Fayerweather and he had been kicked out of every school in the district because people keep kicking his butt. From my initial encounter I could see why.
Well fast forward through numerous confrontations, me pummeling this kid on a couple of occasions, me watching a mob of kids who I told where Michale lived try and get Michael out of his house...fast forward to the 4th of July. My friend Jae who looked older had bought us some smoke bombs...we were infront mf my house lighting them when I look up and see Michael peek up from his wall and say "Jae is a fucking gook and Ron is a fag!!!" He then starts throwing oranges in our direction....we take cover in my garage and wait..he finally stops and we dont here anything. I look at Jae and say..give me a bomb..he hands me a smoke bomb and we walk to Michaels house...Jae and I decide to light 3 smoke bombs and drop them in the mail slot that is attached to Michael's front door...we drop them and run top speed back to my garage and sit on the couch and act like we are innocent...of course down the street theres a house with blue, red and white colored smoke coming out of windows and doors...Michael and his sister Tracy come out front coughing and looking our way...little did we know that they callled the police.
The LA County Sheriff pulls up and talks to Michael and he points our way...the sheriff walks over to us and asks if we had thrown any smoke bombs in Michaels house...we fessed up and pointed at the oranges that Michael had thrown at us...the sheriff said we overreacted and asked to speak to our parents..he talks to my mom and Jae's folks and after a while he finally leaves. Our folks chastised us...but they knew Michael's M.O. and laughed it off.
Shaun's Playboys
My buddy Shaun had some Playboys that he used to store in a bag in his closet. For whatever reason and I cant remember why...his Step Mom happened upon his Playboy collection and confronted Shaun with them. She asked where did you get these? Shaun thought of the first answer he could come up with..."Joe's he said"....they are Joe's Playboys...referring to my buddy Joe Ortiz. Now Joe picked this time of all times to come visit Shaun and see if he wanted to go do something. Joe nonchalantly knocks on the door and Shaun's step mom opens the door and hands the box of Playboys to Joe and says here Joe...take your damn Playboys with you!!! and then slams the door. Joe opens the box and sure enough it is full of Playboys...not knowing what to do he heads to my house with the box...rings my doorbell and I answer the door. Joe is standing there with this box and says..."Shaun's Step Mom just gave me these Playboys!!"...I got wide eyed and said why did she do that?? beats the shit out of me says Joe!...we head up stairs and begin to um...read the magazines when my phone rings....it's Shaun on the other line telling us he wants his magazines back...I relay the message to Joe and we laugh and tell Shaun...sorry dude your Step mom gave them to us.
Random Thoughts 6/8/2008
These are just some random thoughts that I have been having lately and thought I should post them here and see if anybody agrees.
1. Did you know that people actually get mad when a store asks to see an ID when they use a credit card! I've had a few retail and food workers tell me that. Im astonished...would these idiots rather somebody steal their credit card and use it without anybody checking IDs!! If your somebody who gets mad at somebody when they ask to see your ID when you use a credit card...I really hope you become a victim of id theft!!
2. People are blaming AM PM clerks for high gas prices!! I actually saw some moron cussing out some poor lady who was working at an AM Pm because he is angry about gas prices. I asked the guy if he thinks the lady gets free gas...he just looked at me and walked out. WHO HONESTLY THINKS ITS THE AM PM CLERRKS FAULTS FOR THE HIGH GAS PRICES???!!!!
3. Panhandlers- It seems I can't go anywhere without somebody begging for money nowadays!!! Its always black or white people....I never see a person of hispanic descent begging for money. Everybody gets on Mexicans for taking jobs....well guess what?? At least they freakin work!!!
4. George Bush supporters...Bush has a 25% approval rating...meaning 25% of Americans think he is doing a good job. In other words...25% of our country are retards!!
5. Bible thumpers- Here in California Gay Marriage just got approved by our Courts. The Bible thumpers are all up in arms and promissing a fight come November when we the voters actually get our say on the issue. The say they will fight the Proposition tooth and nail!! You know what? get this...after gay marriage got approved...it had no effect on my life...you know why?? IM NOT GAY!!! I dont give a rat's ass if 2 guys or women want to get married....if it makes people happy more power to them. If the bible thumpers want to really make a difference why dont they fight gang violence? drug abuse? domestic violence?
1. Did you know that people actually get mad when a store asks to see an ID when they use a credit card! I've had a few retail and food workers tell me that. Im astonished...would these idiots rather somebody steal their credit card and use it without anybody checking IDs!! If your somebody who gets mad at somebody when they ask to see your ID when you use a credit card...I really hope you become a victim of id theft!!
2. People are blaming AM PM clerks for high gas prices!! I actually saw some moron cussing out some poor lady who was working at an AM Pm because he is angry about gas prices. I asked the guy if he thinks the lady gets free gas...he just looked at me and walked out. WHO HONESTLY THINKS ITS THE AM PM CLERRKS FAULTS FOR THE HIGH GAS PRICES???!!!!
3. Panhandlers- It seems I can't go anywhere without somebody begging for money nowadays!!! Its always black or white people....I never see a person of hispanic descent begging for money. Everybody gets on Mexicans for taking jobs....well guess what?? At least they freakin work!!!
4. George Bush supporters...Bush has a 25% approval rating...meaning 25% of Americans think he is doing a good job. In other words...25% of our country are retards!!
5. Bible thumpers- Here in California Gay Marriage just got approved by our Courts. The Bible thumpers are all up in arms and promissing a fight come November when we the voters actually get our say on the issue. The say they will fight the Proposition tooth and nail!! You know what? get this...after gay marriage got approved...it had no effect on my life...you know why?? IM NOT GAY!!! I dont give a rat's ass if 2 guys or women want to get married....if it makes people happy more power to them. If the bible thumpers want to really make a difference why dont they fight gang violence? drug abuse? domestic violence?
Drill Sergeant is Coming....Drill Sergeant is Coming!!
It was another lazy Saturday while I was still a holdover in AIT in Fort Lee,VA. All of the chores had been completed and people were just chilling. Shining boots, playing pool, watching TV, reading books...or whatever else people did to unwind. Since it was the weekend before payday a lot of us decided to stay in the barracks rather than do anything since mostly everybody was broke. I had a few extra bucks and decided I was going to the PX for some pizza. As I got downstairs I overheard the CQ on duty talking on the phone and I figured he was talking to the Head Drill Sergeant...Drill Sergeant Williams. I figured out that Williams was coming and that he was looking for "volunteers' for a work detail. I thought to myself...I'm safe since Im on my way out anyways...should I warn the others?
My good conscince won out...so I ran upstairs as fast as I could and went all over the place...I looked a lot like Paul Revere warning about the red coats. I opened the first day room and peaked my head in and exclaimed.."Drill Sergeant is coming and he's looking for a detail!!!". I had never seen so many people move so fast..I ran to the other day room and warned them as well. You would've thought I said we were under attack, people were moving so fast. I peaked my head into the female hallway and yelled.."Drill sergeant is coming and he''s looking for a detail"!! I saw a girl run out of the restroom in a towel and into her bay. By the time I went through the whole building it had pretty much emptied out. I peaked out the window and saw him walking into the front. I ran down the stairs and out the back door.
The only people he found were 2 poor saps who were out running. I found out later that they had to mow a large field with a mower...ha ha!!
What Happens in Vegas....Can Only Happen in Vegas
About 6 years ago my friends Sheila and Dave decided to get married in Las Vegas. The stayed at the Flamingo and I stayed next door at the Imperial Palace. It was them, 2 of Daves friends, his brother, his mom and Sheilas parents and her daughter Cameron. We all stayed in different places around Vegas. Well the night after they got married they had said that we are all going to party at Coyote Ugly while the older folks watched Sheila's daughter. But as the night went on...Sheila and Dave were too burnt out from the day's events and decided to stay in for the night....so I was basically on my own.
So I put on some sharp clothes and headed down to the bar adjacent to Imperial Palace. I mosied up to the bar and ordered a beer and just started chatting with the bartender and the bar back...they were cool as hell and we just started bullshitting about all different kinds of things. Now the only other people in the club at the time were a group of 4-5 early-mid 20s females who were having a good time. All of whom were very nice looking.
After awhile two of them walk up to the bar and join in with our conversation and we all are having a good old time. Turns out that they are all from San Diego and the one who is talking to me owns a bikini store in Carlsbad...Im thinking oh wow!! The girls ask the bartender to surprise them with a drink....so the bartender gets a gleam in his eyes and mixes up some white creamy concoction...If I remember it had some Kahlua and some other things...so the girl goes to drink it...and the taste catches her so off guard that when she spits it up...its coming out of her nose and mouth....so heres this gorgeous young lady with a white creamy liquid coming from her nose and mouth...and I was laughing my ass off. After cleaning herself up she asks myself and the barback which strip clubs are the best. We both say Olympic Gardens because it has 2 floors one with male strippers and the other for female strippers. The girls look at us and say...we arent here to see men strip. I look at the barback and he looks at me and we just think..."Oh man". The girls ask the bar back what time he was getting off and the bartender looks up and says..."NOW!!"...He's off now!! The bartender reaches into his tip jar and hands money to the barback and says...take them to the Gardens and take this guy with you (Pointing at me).
So we all leave the bar...myself, the bar back and the girls all in tow. Of course they are all drunk as hell...but of course myself and my new friend are enjoying every minute of this.
We hail a mini van cab and head to Olympic Gardens. We walk in and head to a corner booth. Some of the older guys in there look at my friend and I with some "You lucky bastards eyes"...So there I am...average Ron...and some guy I never met before...surrounded by 4-5 20 something lovelies...female strippers all around...I thought I died and was in a hip hop video all of a sudden!!!
the girl who owned the bikin store ordered us drinks and looked at me and asked if I wanted a lap dance? My eyes opened wide...and said...oh hells yes. So she says...which girl do you want? of course me being the charmer...I said..umm..."you". She looks at me and comments that I'm sweet...and I giggle like a school boy....but she says no seriously...which one do you want? I point to one that looked latina. My friend waved her over and if you have never been to a strip club...strippers are drawn to large groups especially if there are pretty women in the group. So the stripper does her thing...and my friend is watching and drinking...the barback is having fun with one of the other girls we came with...and the rest are at the bar ordering drinks.
After a while we leave and hail cabs and head back to the hotel......The End??
Yeah like I would tell you the rest!!!!
So I put on some sharp clothes and headed down to the bar adjacent to Imperial Palace. I mosied up to the bar and ordered a beer and just started chatting with the bartender and the bar back...they were cool as hell and we just started bullshitting about all different kinds of things. Now the only other people in the club at the time were a group of 4-5 early-mid 20s females who were having a good time. All of whom were very nice looking.
After awhile two of them walk up to the bar and join in with our conversation and we all are having a good old time. Turns out that they are all from San Diego and the one who is talking to me owns a bikini store in Carlsbad...Im thinking oh wow!! The girls ask the bartender to surprise them with a drink....so the bartender gets a gleam in his eyes and mixes up some white creamy concoction...If I remember it had some Kahlua and some other things...so the girl goes to drink it...and the taste catches her so off guard that when she spits it up...its coming out of her nose and mouth....so heres this gorgeous young lady with a white creamy liquid coming from her nose and mouth...and I was laughing my ass off. After cleaning herself up she asks myself and the barback which strip clubs are the best. We both say Olympic Gardens because it has 2 floors one with male strippers and the other for female strippers. The girls look at us and say...we arent here to see men strip. I look at the barback and he looks at me and we just think..."Oh man". The girls ask the bar back what time he was getting off and the bartender looks up and says..."NOW!!"...He's off now!! The bartender reaches into his tip jar and hands money to the barback and says...take them to the Gardens and take this guy with you (Pointing at me).
So we all leave the bar...myself, the bar back and the girls all in tow. Of course they are all drunk as hell...but of course myself and my new friend are enjoying every minute of this.
We hail a mini van cab and head to Olympic Gardens. We walk in and head to a corner booth. Some of the older guys in there look at my friend and I with some "You lucky bastards eyes"...So there I am...average Ron...and some guy I never met before...surrounded by 4-5 20 something lovelies...female strippers all around...I thought I died and was in a hip hop video all of a sudden!!!
the girl who owned the bikin store ordered us drinks and looked at me and asked if I wanted a lap dance? My eyes opened wide...and said...oh hells yes. So she says...which girl do you want? of course me being the charmer...I said..umm..."you". She looks at me and comments that I'm sweet...and I giggle like a school boy....but she says no seriously...which one do you want? I point to one that looked latina. My friend waved her over and if you have never been to a strip club...strippers are drawn to large groups especially if there are pretty women in the group. So the stripper does her thing...and my friend is watching and drinking...the barback is having fun with one of the other girls we came with...and the rest are at the bar ordering drinks.
After a while we leave and hail cabs and head back to the hotel......The End??
Yeah like I would tell you the rest!!!!
One Counterclocker Goes Boom
Reception at AIT was not nearly as hectic as reception was in Basic Training. In AIT there are still Drill Sergeants but they aren’t as in your face as they ones in Basic..but they still retain the eagerness to embarass a Private when given an oppurtunity....and Lord did I provide them with such an oppurtunity.
Now one of the basic rules at AIT in Fort Lee, VA is that you are not allowed to listen to walkmans or any headphones while outside. This could keep you from hearing any marching platoons...when a platoon is marching you must stand at ease as they walk by....if not it is a sign of disrespect and the DS of that platoon can get in your face. I was unaware of the no walkmans outside rule..
After 8 weeks of basic and no music I was happy as hell to have my walkman back and I had bought some tapes at the PX. On this particular day I was listening to ACDC Live....one of the greatest ever baby. Just as I stepped outside I felt a tap on my shoulder...I turn around and there is a Drill Sergeant...I took off my head phones and snapped.."Yes Drill sergeant". The DS informed me of the no walkmans outside rule and proceeded to confiscate it and told me I could have it back before I went to my AIT Training Company.
2 days went by and it was our last day in reception before going to our training units. So I approached the drill sergeant and enquired about my walkman. He informed me that in order to get it back...I would have to yelll at the top of my lungs..1 Counter clocker goes boom...drop and do a push up....get back up then say 2 counter clockers go boom boom...then drop and do 2 push ups...so on and so forth. Of course the entire building was empteed out and waiting to goto their respective areas...well over 100 soldiers...males and females. Needless to say after the first counterclocker...everybody was looking at my situation and I can hear lots of laughing. After about 20 counter clockers (I have no idea what the fuck a counter clocker is) the Drill Sergeant finally gave my radio and told me I was the only one who got his radio confiscated who actually asked for it back....everybody else was too scared or nervous. So I joined my platoon..and they were all laughing their asses off. Plantamura asked what a counter clocker was...I said I had no fucking idea...and Phelps said well we all know it goes boom!!!
AIT
AIT
AIT is Adavanced Individualized Training...basically it’s where you learn your job. The Army can send you to any number of places based on your MOS. I had the fortunate oppurtunity to goto Fort Lee, Virginia just outside of Richmond. Fort Lee or Fort Leisure as it’s referred to by those of us who were there and by the jealous recruits who had to do AIT in places like Fort Leavenworth or Fort Sill, OK.
I met a lot of people there who without whom I probably wouldn’t have become the man I became. During my time in the regular time and my time as a holdover (Which I will talk about later). This blog will be an introductory blog to the cast of characters I will touch on in future blogs.
PVT Jackson- From Harlem, NY He worked at McDonalds before he enlisted. He had a tendency to attract women with a lot of drama and issues. Jackson was a great guy, but tended to be somewhat gullible sometimes. Jackson kinda looks like Chris Rock but skinnier and with acne.
PFC Brooks- Our beloved Platoon Leader....NOT!! This guy was our platoon leader..but respect he did not have. I think he had good intentions and personally I didnt have any problems with the guy...but he was very indecisive.
PFC Charlie Plantamura- Brooklyn, New York He is the quintessetial Brooklynite....Italian, tall, loud and proud...he was funny as hell. He could drink and drink and drink.
PVT. Witherington- From Grady, Alabama- Population 2000...A true Southern boy...had his definite opinions on race relations..liked to line dance and enjoyed chewing tobacco.
Pvt Luckadoo-(From the South...I forget where)....We called Luckadoo..."Buddy Fucker". We were all pretty loyal to one another and watched each other’s back...but this guy you had to watch at first. After awhile he became one of us.
Pvt Welsh- From Oklahoma, This guy had no standards when it came to women..(Of course my standards lowered while in AIT)...but Welsh couldnt say no to anybody. It wound up getting him into trouble later on.
Pfc. Sanchez-He was a quiet guy and mostly kept to himself...but he was very reliable and hard working
The guys above were apart of my regular class...the following were some of my fellow holdovers. I was a holdover because due to a stress fracture I suffered in Basic...I was having a hard time passing the 2 mile run in the PT Test.
Pfc. Bell- Kansas City, Missouri...This guy was tall and big...he was a total Charles Barkley lookalike. At first I was a bit intimidated by him, but once he saw that he could trust me...he became a decent friend.
Pvt. Nyghen- A fellow Southern Californian...from up near Six Flags...he and I became drinking buddies....we would get shit faced.
Pfc Delaunne- (New Orleans,LA) Was a hold over waiting for orders to goto Panama....he was waiting for awhile.
Pfc. Smith- A tall white dude...the girl I was messing with hooked up with him.
Now that the intros have been made....the stories will begin...
AIT is Adavanced Individualized Training...basically it’s where you learn your job. The Army can send you to any number of places based on your MOS. I had the fortunate oppurtunity to goto Fort Lee, Virginia just outside of Richmond. Fort Lee or Fort Leisure as it’s referred to by those of us who were there and by the jealous recruits who had to do AIT in places like Fort Leavenworth or Fort Sill, OK.
I met a lot of people there who without whom I probably wouldn’t have become the man I became. During my time in the regular time and my time as a holdover (Which I will talk about later). This blog will be an introductory blog to the cast of characters I will touch on in future blogs.
PVT Jackson- From Harlem, NY He worked at McDonalds before he enlisted. He had a tendency to attract women with a lot of drama and issues. Jackson was a great guy, but tended to be somewhat gullible sometimes. Jackson kinda looks like Chris Rock but skinnier and with acne.
PFC Brooks- Our beloved Platoon Leader....NOT!! This guy was our platoon leader..but respect he did not have. I think he had good intentions and personally I didnt have any problems with the guy...but he was very indecisive.
PFC Charlie Plantamura- Brooklyn, New York He is the quintessetial Brooklynite....Italian, tall, loud and proud...he was funny as hell. He could drink and drink and drink.
PVT. Witherington- From Grady, Alabama- Population 2000...A true Southern boy...had his definite opinions on race relations..liked to line dance and enjoyed chewing tobacco.
Pvt Luckadoo-(From the South...I forget where)....We called Luckadoo..."Buddy Fucker". We were all pretty loyal to one another and watched each other’s back...but this guy you had to watch at first. After awhile he became one of us.
Pvt Welsh- From Oklahoma, This guy had no standards when it came to women..(Of course my standards lowered while in AIT)...but Welsh couldnt say no to anybody. It wound up getting him into trouble later on.
Pfc. Sanchez-He was a quiet guy and mostly kept to himself...but he was very reliable and hard working
The guys above were apart of my regular class...the following were some of my fellow holdovers. I was a holdover because due to a stress fracture I suffered in Basic...I was having a hard time passing the 2 mile run in the PT Test.
Pfc. Bell- Kansas City, Missouri...This guy was tall and big...he was a total Charles Barkley lookalike. At first I was a bit intimidated by him, but once he saw that he could trust me...he became a decent friend.
Pvt. Nyghen- A fellow Southern Californian...from up near Six Flags...he and I became drinking buddies....we would get shit faced.
Pfc Delaunne- (New Orleans,LA) Was a hold over waiting for orders to goto Panama....he was waiting for awhile.
Pfc. Smith- A tall white dude...the girl I was messing with hooked up with him.
Now that the intros have been made....the stories will begin...
I Shot My Neighbor
My buddies Luie, Joe Rinie and myself were shooting a BB Gun in Luie’s backyard. I was 16 or so at the time and they were roughly the same age. We were taking turns shooting cans off of Luie’s fence....not knowing Luie’s neighbor Ken was working in his garden next door.
It was my turn to shoot when I said hey this is how gangs shoot....I aimed it sideways and shot it...the BB missed the cans and all of a sudden we hear from the backyard next door...."OWW...LUIE GOD DAMN IT!!!". We shot Ken in the ass evidently. We all ran inside Luie’s house and hid out in the living room like nothing happened....we hear a loud banging on Luie’s door....Luie goes to open it.
Ken- God damn it Luie you shot me in the ass with a BB gun!!!!
I came over and accepted responsibility....but ken was pissed...and later told Luie’s dad and my Step Dad about what happened....Luie had his BB gun taken away and I was told I couldnt shoot bb guns anymore with Luie....but that was some funny ass stuff though!!
It was my turn to shoot when I said hey this is how gangs shoot....I aimed it sideways and shot it...the BB missed the cans and all of a sudden we hear from the backyard next door...."OWW...LUIE GOD DAMN IT!!!". We shot Ken in the ass evidently. We all ran inside Luie’s house and hid out in the living room like nothing happened....we hear a loud banging on Luie’s door....Luie goes to open it.
Ken- God damn it Luie you shot me in the ass with a BB gun!!!!
I came over and accepted responsibility....but ken was pissed...and later told Luie’s dad and my Step Dad about what happened....Luie had his BB gun taken away and I was told I couldnt shoot bb guns anymore with Luie....but that was some funny ass stuff though!!
Peter Gets Maced
Peter Gets Maced
For this story to truly have it's intended affect I need to describe my old friend Peter Ponce. I met Peter through Joe, they and Jerry and our other buddy all worked together at Montgomery Wards Distribution Center in Chino. Peter was about 5 ft 9inches and slightly overweight due to his uh heavy drinking. Peter was a DRINKER!! He would get fucked up and do some really stupid shit sometimes....one time in particular stands out.
Joe, myself, Ricky and Peter had all just left Club Metro (A Happening night spot back in the day.) Peter was shit faced...but he was still aware enough to recognize a hot chick if he saw one. Walking to the car he notices a car with 2 very nice looking latinas all dolled up and looking very nice. Peter looks at us and says those bitches look hot!! Im thinking oh no...he walks over to the car and introduces himself...but he is obviously really fucked up. The ladies are obviously not interested...so Peter walks, but without warning whips his shit out and starts pissing on the girls tire...Ricky, Joe and I are like .."oh no"...The driver looks back and calls Peter over...Peter barely gets his shit back in his pants as he walks to the window...the girl beckons Peter to bend down...Peter peers in and all of a sudden the girl sprays Peter with pepper spray right in the eyes....
Peter begins to flail as the car speeds away..."Bitch...The Bitch Fucken Maced Me"!!! Of course the 3 of us being the friends that we are...begin to laugh our asses off. "DICKS THIS SHIT ISNT FUNNY....I CANT SEE A FUCKEN THING!!!!" We get Peter by the arms and help him into the car...luckly Ricky had a half of bottled water left and began pouring it in Peter's eyes to try and flush the peper spray out...>Peter is all but clawing his eyes out and Joe and I are in tears laughing our asses off....needless to say Peter sobered up in a hurry from the excruciating pain of the pepper spray.
We had to stop at Circle K and we helped him into the restroom...the clerk asked what happened as there are 2 guys leading a crying guy who is screaming and cussing into the restroom at Circle K. Peter yells out..."SOME BITCH MACED ME!!!". We get him to the sink and start flushing his eyes out with more water...the whole time we are laughing and he is cussing a storm...finally we get most of the spray out but his eyes were bloodshot from all the rubbing and burning.
For this story to truly have it's intended affect I need to describe my old friend Peter Ponce. I met Peter through Joe, they and Jerry and our other buddy all worked together at Montgomery Wards Distribution Center in Chino. Peter was about 5 ft 9inches and slightly overweight due to his uh heavy drinking. Peter was a DRINKER!! He would get fucked up and do some really stupid shit sometimes....one time in particular stands out.
Joe, myself, Ricky and Peter had all just left Club Metro (A Happening night spot back in the day.) Peter was shit faced...but he was still aware enough to recognize a hot chick if he saw one. Walking to the car he notices a car with 2 very nice looking latinas all dolled up and looking very nice. Peter looks at us and says those bitches look hot!! Im thinking oh no...he walks over to the car and introduces himself...but he is obviously really fucked up. The ladies are obviously not interested...so Peter walks, but without warning whips his shit out and starts pissing on the girls tire...Ricky, Joe and I are like .."oh no"...The driver looks back and calls Peter over...Peter barely gets his shit back in his pants as he walks to the window...the girl beckons Peter to bend down...Peter peers in and all of a sudden the girl sprays Peter with pepper spray right in the eyes....
Peter begins to flail as the car speeds away..."Bitch...The Bitch Fucken Maced Me"!!! Of course the 3 of us being the friends that we are...begin to laugh our asses off. "DICKS THIS SHIT ISNT FUNNY....I CANT SEE A FUCKEN THING!!!!" We get Peter by the arms and help him into the car...luckly Ricky had a half of bottled water left and began pouring it in Peter's eyes to try and flush the peper spray out...>Peter is all but clawing his eyes out and Joe and I are in tears laughing our asses off....needless to say Peter sobered up in a hurry from the excruciating pain of the pepper spray.
We had to stop at Circle K and we helped him into the restroom...the clerk asked what happened as there are 2 guys leading a crying guy who is screaming and cussing into the restroom at Circle K. Peter yells out..."SOME BITCH MACED ME!!!". We get him to the sink and start flushing his eyes out with more water...the whole time we are laughing and he is cussing a storm...finally we get most of the spray out but his eyes were bloodshot from all the rubbing and burning.
So I Live In the Past Part 10
Cruising Magnolia
Well guess what since my vocal cords are fucked up and can barely talk right now...I'm home and have decided to write yet another blog today...
The City of Riverside is about 54 miles east of Los Angeles...and back in the day oh about 1992 it was a great spot to cruise...Magnolia Ave to be exact. People brought out there cars and would bump their tunes and cruise up and down the road...nowdays I don't get the point of cruising...but back then it was a great way to meet hot women. We would cruise and then park in a Taco Bell parking lot and just chill. One night that chilling almost got us hurt.
Joe, Peter, Ricky and myself were sitting outside Taco Bell just munching down on some good ole 59 cent tacos and 79 cent burritos. We look up and out of the corner of our eyes we see a guy with a bat go after another car and try hitting the window with the bat...the car peels out and begins to take off...we are thinking holdy shit what the hell is going on??
All of a sudden we hear what sounds like firecrackers...and all we hear is "he's got a gun"!!! The four of us jump out of our seats and jump into Joe's car....Joe who normally slowly backs up starts and peels out...we are basically jumping into the car...out of the corner of my eye I see somebody with a 22. Calibur running down the street shooting at the car that was being hit with a bat...we took off like a bat out of hell. People were running everywhere...this guy with the gun jumps into a car and takes off.
We go the opposite direction. Turns out we each wound up with what we were eating on our clothes. I had sour cream all over my shirt...lol Thats how crazy we ran
Well guess what since my vocal cords are fucked up and can barely talk right now...I'm home and have decided to write yet another blog today...
The City of Riverside is about 54 miles east of Los Angeles...and back in the day oh about 1992 it was a great spot to cruise...Magnolia Ave to be exact. People brought out there cars and would bump their tunes and cruise up and down the road...nowdays I don't get the point of cruising...but back then it was a great way to meet hot women. We would cruise and then park in a Taco Bell parking lot and just chill. One night that chilling almost got us hurt.
Joe, Peter, Ricky and myself were sitting outside Taco Bell just munching down on some good ole 59 cent tacos and 79 cent burritos. We look up and out of the corner of our eyes we see a guy with a bat go after another car and try hitting the window with the bat...the car peels out and begins to take off...we are thinking holdy shit what the hell is going on??
All of a sudden we hear what sounds like firecrackers...and all we hear is "he's got a gun"!!! The four of us jump out of our seats and jump into Joe's car....Joe who normally slowly backs up starts and peels out...we are basically jumping into the car...out of the corner of my eye I see somebody with a 22. Calibur running down the street shooting at the car that was being hit with a bat...we took off like a bat out of hell. People were running everywhere...this guy with the gun jumps into a car and takes off.
We go the opposite direction. Turns out we each wound up with what we were eating on our clothes. I had sour cream all over my shirt...lol Thats how crazy we ran
So I Live in the Past Part 9
| Basic Training: Easter As some of you may already know I served our country in the US Army Reserves and yes there are some classic Basic Training stories. Here's one...It's Easter Sunday and the Drill Sergeants announce that the Morale and Welfare people of Fort Jackson are putting on a concert for the recruits of our Batallion and we are all going. They also tell us that there will be candy and soda there and that we are not to think about partaking in those treats. So we march in formation to a football field that is on post and there is a stage set up and a band is up there playing cover tunes and there are many female recruits. the Drill Sergeants give us final instructions and we finally break formation and enter the festivities. Not having seen any females for about 5 weeks now...I'd say my standards may have lowered a bit. So I find what I describe as an "Army Cute" girl and ask her to dance as there are many male soldiers and female soldiers dancing. "Army Cute" means that she is pretty in comparison to what else is there. We dance to some Earth Wind and Fire, Commodores and other dance tunes. I look over and see many of my friends sitting on bleachers with dear in headlight looks on there faces. Many of them are from parts of the country where maybe they dont get out too much. Shining Star comes on and Im thinking this girl wont want to dance to a slow song...so I turn to walk away and she just grabs me and gets real close....Im thinking this is cool. So we bump and grind for awhile and that was the last song of the day...the whole concert lasted for maybe an hour and a half. We all get back into formation just outside the gates and the Drill sergeants march us back to the barracks. We are standing in front of the barracks in formation when the sergeants tell us to get in inspection formation and to take out or cantines. Inspection formation is where they have room to walk by and inspect each recruit. As they walk by they tell each recruit to dump the contents of the cantine....water....water....water...I dump mine I had water. They get tto the last row and I'l never forget the words I heard next.... Drill Sergeant: "WHAT THE HELL JUST CAME OUT OF YOUR CANTINE"? Pvt. Eschelman- (Sheepishly) Soda Drill Sergeant!! I cringed because I knew we would all play for his mistake. Then we were told to turn our pockets inside out....and out of Eschelman's pocket came Snickers and some other chocolate bars. As well as from the guy next to him. The Drill Sergeants just walk back to the front and yell out calmly..."HALF RIGHT FACE!!"...."FRONT LEANING REST POSITION" move....thats the position to get into for push ups...they have us do several push ups and then get on our backs and have us do flutter kicks....flip back over...push ups....back to the other side flutter kicks. Needless to say the rest of us aren't very happy. After what seemed like an eternity...the drill sergeants finally order us to get up and get back into formation....by this time we are sore as hell and a little pissed. We all get inside and the four squad leaders along with the platoon leader ask Eschelman what he was thinking....he just said he was hungry and he wanted soda. We all decided on an appropriate punishment....he would have to do every one of our work details for the rest of the day. He wound up doing the work of 29 other guys...while we all relaxed. |
The Megaphone
For my 17th birthday my mom takes me shopping and I tell her to take me to Radio Shack. We get to Radio Shack and I go straight for what I had been wanting for weeks...a megaphone that plays several different songs on it. College Fight songs, the charge like they play at baseball games and other old time favorites.
I get home with it and the first thing I do is go around the corner to my friend Shaun's house. I get to where his window is and I clock the trigger and say..."YOU IN THE HOUSE COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP?"...Shaun's head darts up into his bedroom window and I speak into the megaphone..."HEY LOOK WHAT I GOT FOR MY BIRTHDAY"!!!...Shaun just shakes his head and Im sure is thinking Oh no. So he says come on up...I go into the house and his brother Jaime is sitting in the living room calmly watching TV as I come up behind him and talk into the megaphone..."WHATS UP JAIME??"....I swear he just about pissed his pants. Shaun yells down the stairs..."Dont do that shit in the house!!!"....I click the mega phone trigger and say "OK"!!
So football season comes and I decide to bring the megaphone to football games to support the team. My mom is taking myself, Joe and Shaun to the game in our old 1971 Ford Black Duster. As we are coming up to the corner near Chino High...there is an apartment complex where a lot of Illegal aliens lived. So my stupid ass clicks the megaphone and with the volume way up...I say..."LA IMIGRA"!! "LA IMIGRACION"!!!....From out of nowhere my Mom backhands me and the megaphone falls out of my hand. She just says..."What the hell do you think are doing?"...I can hear Shaun and Joe trying so hard not to laugh. She drops us off at the game and after she leaves Shaun and Joe just about laughed there asses off laughing at me.
I get home with it and the first thing I do is go around the corner to my friend Shaun's house. I get to where his window is and I clock the trigger and say..."YOU IN THE HOUSE COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP?"...Shaun's head darts up into his bedroom window and I speak into the megaphone..."HEY LOOK WHAT I GOT FOR MY BIRTHDAY"!!!...Shaun just shakes his head and Im sure is thinking Oh no. So he says come on up...I go into the house and his brother Jaime is sitting in the living room calmly watching TV as I come up behind him and talk into the megaphone..."WHATS UP JAIME??"....I swear he just about pissed his pants. Shaun yells down the stairs..."Dont do that shit in the house!!!"....I click the mega phone trigger and say "OK"!!
So football season comes and I decide to bring the megaphone to football games to support the team. My mom is taking myself, Joe and Shaun to the game in our old 1971 Ford Black Duster. As we are coming up to the corner near Chino High...there is an apartment complex where a lot of Illegal aliens lived. So my stupid ass clicks the megaphone and with the volume way up...I say..."LA IMIGRA"!! "LA IMIGRACION"!!!....From out of nowhere my Mom backhands me and the megaphone falls out of my hand. She just says..."What the hell do you think are doing?"...I can hear Shaun and Joe trying so hard not to laugh. She drops us off at the game and after she leaves Shaun and Joe just about laughed there asses off laughing at me.
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