The Ron Says!

The Ron Says!
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Saturday, October 15, 2016

I Remember When

Well another year as come and gone. 2008 came and went without even saying goodbye...2008 we hardly knew ya. The older you get it seems time travels faster and faster. I have a tendency to be a little more reflective than other people. Some have said that I tend to live in the past. I remember the past so that I can learn from it and grow from it. I have decided to list a few memories...historical, pop culturish, personal observations etc.
--This year we have seen many stores close Mervyn's, KB Toys and Steve and Barrys as joined Gemco, Fedco, Zodees, Alpha Beta and Lucky as stores that we all at one time or another shopped at and now no longer exist. The more stores close the less choices we are given. Less competition means higher prices....pretty soon we will be left with 2 choices...Target or Wal Mart.
--We take cell phones for granted. There is a whole generation of people who cannot remember a time without cell phones. I can remember even before pagers..when if my mom was looking for me she would stick her head out of the window and yell my name or call several numbers to track me down. Nowaday parents include their 8 year olds on their Cell phone plans. Ive seen kids as young as 8 or 9 texting on a cell phone. Hell I can remember when if my pager went off I had to dig into my roll of quarters and find a pay phone to call the person who called me. Or paging a friend with a bogus the number to a nudie bar or the Gay/Lesbian hotline lol.
--The internet- I can remember if I had a term paper to write that I would have to goto a library and look at endless rolls of microfilm of old newspapers. Dust off encyclopedias and read outdated information. Checkout books and read page after page of information in hopes of finding some usefull information. Then gathering all my notes and typing the paper on my typewriter. I didnt have spell spell heck was my mom who would read my rough draft and then I would have to go back and correct any mistakes and rewrite the paper. There are some who are reading this blog who cannot even fathom what I have just written. Now a whole term paper can be researched and written without leaving your room or dorm.
--I can remember football in Los Angeles- Raiders, Rams, Express and Extreme are all teams that played in Los Angeles. Express and Extreme? The Express plaved in the mid 80s in the now defunct USFL and played at the Memorial Colisseum...hell a certain Steve Young even Quarterbacked that team. The Extreme? They played in the Vince McMahon owned (Yes that Vince Mcmahon) Extreme football league...the Extreme are the last team to win a championship in LA.

ACDC Concert 12/14/2008

 Last weekend I saw ACDC at The Forum in Inglewood (Where the Lakers used to play). ACDC is one of the hardest rocking groups of all time and last weekend they lived up to the billing. They startout wih a huge movie screen showing a train rolling right along and the sound is just deafening until it builds to a creshendo and a huge train breaks through the screen with fire and ACDC starts out with their new song "Rock and Roll Train". They have such a huge library of music that they could play for hours...but they play for a good 2 hours plus and the only 2 major songs that I noticed were missing were "Big Balls" and "Who Made Who".  "They were so loud that when we left the concert my ears were ringing pretty loudly. Im just hoping if they comeback around that they play someplace else other than the Forum.
   The Forum was sold out and you can tell because the small hallways were filled with people...including the drunk lady who insisted ob me escorting her to the tequila stand as I was walking to the restroom and telling me how good I smelled...she insisted that it reminded her of a scent from the 80's (It was Axe Body spray) she finally spotted the tequila stand and I found a stairwell that looked like it led to a dungeon but in actuallity it led to the restroom which obvously hasnt been redone since The Forum opened 30+ years ago. Only older arenas actually use troughs to urinate in. For those that dont know a trough is just ne long receptacle that alllows for many guys to piss at the same time or give Gay guys a free peak at your package. Being the germphobe that I am I abhor the thought of a drunk guy standing elbow to elbow with me as he drunkingly pisses....this has no appeal to me and since all the stalls were taken and the restroom was so full we were like sardines and I had to piss REALLY low and behold there was the cleaning closet. I peaked in and saw a drain used to dump mop water into. The light buld went on in my head..I walked in and closed the door and pissed down the drain. Avoiding some drunken stoned dude pissing on me...I open the door and leave. People were laughing their ass off..hell one guy who was having to go badly even went in after me to use the drain.
The Forum is a decent place to watch a concert, but the area it is in (Inglewood) is not a very nice area. Now Im sure a majority of the people that live there are good hardworking people, but its that 5% of assholes that can give a city a bad image. Take the guys in the lot who were selling the guy who obviously has smoked some crack in his life who basically talked so fast it was like reading the following sentence..."wouldyouliketobuyatshirtfor$10?" I had to slow it down in my head and wonder to myself if he was a crack head or he spoke swahili?
My friend Kellie who I went to the concert with cant go anywhere without being recognized by somebody. We are at Sizzler...In Inglewood...miles from the good old Inland Empire...we are even waiting for the arena to clear out before leaving...we wait a good 20 minutes to leave...we walk through the tunnel...and all of a sudden we hear..."Kellie is that you?" It's one of her regular customers that go to her particular Rubios everyweek...Deja Vu huh?

Urinal Etiquette

The other day I was at the movies and when I went to use the restroom a guy violated one of Guy's longest standing rules...when there are 3 urinals...its man..empty urinal...and then you take the next urinal....this guy took the one right next to mine....what the fuck dude?? So this is for those guy's out there who are unsure of our unwritten code...

When using a urinal never stand directly beside another guy who is in the process. Also, when entering an empty washroom with more than one urinal, always take one on the outside. This will allow another guy to have the one urinal gap which is an important guy rule. In a washroom with three urinals, no matter what, NEVER take the middle one. Two urinals in a washroom is bad, there should always be one empty, even if you have to go bad. In this situation use a toilet, blow your nose or wash up, but do not use the one open urinal. Washrooms with three or more urinals are good because it allows two guys to go at once. This is a very important rule for all guys who are really Guys."

My Time at Mervyn's

For those that don't know Mervyn's is a department storehere in California with a few stores in other states.  It also happened to be my first job out of high Im kind of saddened to see it close. Mervyn's has become another victim of the God awful economy.
June 1989 I had just graduated high school and my Step dad pretty much handed me the want ads and said it was time to get a job. I applied at some restaraunts and a few other stores without any luck and then I applied at Mervyn's and a few weeks later I got my call back...had my first job interview and I was hired.
Working retail however you really find out how stupid people really can be. Need proof?
How about the lady who came up to me and asked what size jeans her husband wears...I asked where her husband was and she said at home.  I asked how am I supposed to know? She replied dont all men wear the same size??
Or the lady who called and asked if our Nintendos were on Mervyns is a clothing store. I looked at the phone and told the lady with a straight face...they sure are.
Or the lady who asked me what she should get her husband for Christmas. Ok are married to him and you dont know his likes and dislikes.
Of course there were some good time I was working the fitting room and handing out numbers when this girl who I guess was a cheerleader walked in with some mens jockey underwear...I guess they wore them under their uniform and asked to try them on...who was I to say no?
I liked the Arabs who would come and buy 501s in bulk so they could sell them back home for some good cash. I would help them out to their car and would always get a good tip out of it. $50 one time...of course my boss would tell me I couldnt accept tips...hell I was making $4.35 an hour of course Im going to accept tips damnit!!
Then I got fired for going on my day off and getting a discount for my friend we would say how much did Jerrys pants cost? They cost Ron's job!!! As they said in the movie Friday...."How are you going to get fired on your day off??" Well I did.
There was the time another gorgeous woman had some questions that took all 3 males that were working at the time to answer it and then when a kind of large woman needed help we told her we would be with her in a minute.
Or the time I had just finished folding and straghtening the entire Levi wall and the Upland earthquake hit...knocking every jean out of the wall leaving me holding the last I just threw that one on the ground with the rest.

Drunken Stories

I refer to the years 1993-1998 or so as my drinking years, before I go into some of my "drunk" stories that I accumulated during that time let me give you a brief backgorund on my drinking. I honestly didnt touch a drink until I turned 21.  I knew from my mom that my real dad was an alcoholic and knowing that can be hereditary...I decided to wait and when I did turn 21 I eased into it by only drinking wine coolers. Hell I didnt have a beer until I went into the Army..after that it was on!!! When I got home my friends who knew me before I enlisted couldnt believe the drunk I had become. So lets indulge in a few of my more infamous moments.
New Years Eve 1993- It was December 31st 1993 and I was going to leave for Basic Training for the Army in over a month. I still was a lightweight when it came to drinking so I didnt drink mixed drinks or beer...but I discovered a drink that tasted a lot like 7-Up or Sprite called Zima. We were at a club in Riverside called Harry C's and I just remember I was pounding these friends told me I was so fucked up that I was trying to take the tip money from a waitress as I was flirting with her. There's still a picture of me somewhere out there sitting in a recliner drunk out of my mind and soon to be sick with pneumonia because when you drink that weakens your immune system and at the time I had a cold. I looked like hell.
July 1994-- My first beer (Uh oh)
On Fort Lee we had a boxing gym that was converted into a Sports Bar/Dance Club that we would all go drinking at on Fridays and Saturdays. My buddy bought the first round and not wanting to be a spoil sport and took a swig of my first beer...MGD. Wow...this isnt half bad I thought. I was feeling pretty good but not like I would in the following weeks at Ft Lee. It got to the point where Id go up to the bar and order a pitcher of beer and the waitress would ask how many mugs I wanted...and Id say none...the pitcher is my mug damnit!! One weekend we rented a room at the Holiday Inn at Virginia Beach and I got so fucked up I was throwing up off of the balcony. I finally got some food in me and started to sober up.
Late July 1994
I had just gotten home and my friends had no idea the lush I had become. I goto my friend Jerry's house and he is having a get together. Im getting really fucken wasted when my best friend Joe shows up with is soon to be Bride who he had told about me. Joe hadnt seen me in months and here I am laid out on Jerry's front yard laughing my ass off as I look up and see Joe. Joe says this is my girl Carla I shake her hand from the lying down position as at this point I really shouldnt be standing.  So I met my one of my best friend's fiancee from the prone position....go figure.
Spring 1995
A Friday after a night of drinking I had to goto class the next day and I was not feeling to good. I get to my class at Mt SAC and Im drinking a lot of water trying to get myself where I need to be. Finally I had to goto the I walk down the hallway and enter what I thought was the men's room. I walk in and think.."Where the fuck are the urinals?". I go into the bathroom stall to pee and I look near the toilet paper roll and think..."What the fuck is that?" Just then the door opens and I hear female voices...It hits me..."IM IN THE FUCKEN WOMENS RESTROOM"!!! Oh shit....all of a sudden I was 100% again. So I open the stall and say restrooms closed...Im here to look at the plumbing!! The women walk out and I breathe a sigh of relief...I open the door to see if anybody is there and nobody is so I leave before I get into any trouble.
New Years Eve 1995
Myself and my friends Shaun and Jaime decide to spend New Years at Kelly Mccues in Chino. I got so blasted that night that my beer goggles were most definitely on. Shaun Im hoping no longer has a picture of me dancing with a rather large woman as she kisses my cheek. Im so hoping that pic no longer exists.
I really stopped drinking because of what i was becoming...I was overweight, drinking to forget about somethings that were going on from 1996-1997. Those were so really bad times. As a matter of fact Id say after I moved to Claremont...I very rarely drink anymore....but it is fun to look back and laugh at some of the things I did.

The Funniest Prank I Have Ever Seen

Now I have seen some good pranks on people but my friend Joe played one that to me will always be in the prank Hall of Fame.  I was living in Chino at the time on the same street as a mutual friend Luie.  I was looking out my window and noticed 2 figures behind Luie's car as it was dark I could not recognize them.  So I went outside with a bat in case they were 2 people up to no good with my friend's car. One of them looks up and says it's me I dropped the bat and walked over and saw Joe and a friend putting a license plate frame on the back of Luie's car that simply read..."Gay Pride 89..So Many Men So Little Time".  I just about busted a gut laughing my ass off...I just looked at Joe and said that's fucked up...but funny as hell dude!!! So after he finished I went back to my house and Joe and his friend left.  Now Luie had a security job and I was going to college fulltime so I hardly ever saw him.  So a few days went by and I saw Luie washing his I went to say whats up.  Im trying so hard to suppress my laughter at the plate frame which was still on the car days later.  After rinsing the car Luie gets his towels and begins to dry...he gets to the rear of the car and all I hear Luie say is..."WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT???"  I got up pretending to not know what he was talking about and walk to where he is and he is staring at the plates..."GAY PRIDE!! WHAT THE FUCK??" "NO WONDER PEOPLE HAVE BEEN HONKING AT ME AND FLIPPING ME OFF!!!".  At this point I cant hold it in and just laugh harder that Ive ever laughed before..."MAN THIS ISNT FUNNY"!! He walks in to the garage and gets a screw driver to get the frame off.  That Mr. Rinie was one of the funniest things I have ever seen my friend!! Right up there with shooting Ken in the ass with a bb gun

The 27 LB Barracuda

In 1999, my second year of working at McKinley Children's Center there was a fishing trip that we took. We loaded up 4-5 vehicles with kids and staff and headed out to Long Beach where the L.A. Rod and Reel Club was sponsoring an all day fishing excursion for foster kids and underpriviledged kids and the lucky staff who got to bring them. After loading up the boats we headed out. We were a good distance from shore as I could no longer see land...along the way we stopped to pick up some bait which was smaller fish that they had netted up for us. What made the trip great is that we got to fish as well as the kids and the Rod and Reel members were mostly helping the kids so I was able to do my thing without having to worry about the kids. As this was my first time fishing in the great Pacific I was looking forward to this.
After baiting my hook and dropping my line I waited a few minutes...after a few minutes I caught a pretty good sized Sand put up a decent fight...but I was able to reel him in. The kid next to me Albert was getting kind of frustrated because everybody around him including me had caught something. So I set my pole down and decided to help him out. So I told him that he hadnt released his line as far as it could go. So I recast his line and let it sink as far as it could go. As it was going I was explaining to him to be patient and he would catch something...just then I felt a very strong tug that just about pulled the pole from my arm. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT" I thought "What the fuck was that??"...the guy next to me exclaimed..."You got a big one"!!! "I thought no shit Sherlock what was your first clue? My arm pulling from its socket??" So he was telling me how to reel him in. But as he was telling me the fish started putting up a good fight....he was on the line and then wrapped himself to the back of the boat and in the process took some of the other fishing lines that were cast with him. Everybody was watching in amazement and waiting to see if I could catch him. I turned the reel and pulled....repeated the action....the guy was cheering me on and Albert was watching wide eyed and amazed. After about 10 minutes of this I was getting tired...and this whatever it was....wa sputting up a hell of a fight...all of a sudden we saw it jump from the water and back in...."Holy God!!! What the fuck was that I thought?" The rod and reel guy said thats a bigbarracuda!!...he runs and grabs a net and tells me to keep doing what Im doing. When the fish gets close enough he reaches out and gets it into the net. About 15-20 minutes after the struggle began....I caught the bastard. Man it was ugly....with razor sharp needle like teeth. As Im breathing hard, my arms are sore and Im ready to go sit down I hear Albert yell...I got one I got one....referring to fish I had just fought with. I just looked at him and thought...."I did all the work you little bastard".
You want to see what the fish looks like goto my photo album I have a pic of it there.

4th of July with all of its explosiveness and temptaions is filled with memories for me...let me share a few of them.

Some of you who remember an earlier blog about how we accidently shot our neighbor in the ass with a bb gun...will feel even more sorry for him after this story. I was about 16 when this takes place. My friend Luie (The one who shot Ken in the ass) had some how procured a very large number of bottle rockets prior to the 4th of many that if he tried lighting them one by one by himself he wouldve been at it for awhile. So in his benevolence and probably a bad idea...he decided to share with the rest of us...the rest of us being my friends Joe Rinie, Luies brother Anthony and I cant remember who else. We all made these bazooka looking things out of plastic pipes and all sat down along the street to light the bottle rockets....oh did I mention that my street was hosting its annual 4th of July Block Party and everybody was sitting along the street watching people light the "Safe and Sane" Fireworks. We were what we thought...out of the way lighting our bottle rockets one after another. I mustve lit about 20 of them as they shot one after another into the air...but I lit one and all of a sudden it shot up...went side ways and landed in a certain neighbors lap."GOD DAMNIT YOU GUYS!!" he yelled....I had the look of oh shit on my face. Ken jumped up and stamped out everything before it could do any damage...but his nerves and his temper were shot...he comes stomping down the street to where we were and yells..."You kids need to stop lighting those bottle rockets before somebody gets hurt!!"
II. Before I moved to Chino I lived in Cerritos and before that In Artesia. I was 12 when this story takes place. While in Artesia there was this kid that lived on my street that everybody and anybody hated. I had only lived on the block a few months when this skinny kid with a bowl cut comes down to where I was living...I was out in my garage throwing darts..when this kid goes walking by...looks my way and just flips me the middle finger...Im like who the hell is this kid? I had recently become friends with my neighbors Shan, Derrick and Vel...the explained to me that the skinny kid was Michale Fayerweather and he had been kicked out of every school in the district because people keep kicking his butt. From my initial encounter I could see why.
Well fast forward through numerous confrontations, me pummeling this kid on a couple of occasions, me watching a mob of kids who I told where Michale lived try and get Michael out of his forward to the 4th of July. My friend Jae who looked older had bought us some smoke bombs...we were infront mf my house lighting them when I look up and see Michael peek up from his wall and say "Jae is a fucking gook and Ron is a fag!!!" He then starts throwing oranges in our direction....we take cover in my garage and wait..he finally stops and we dont here anything. I look at Jae and say..give me a bomb..he hands me a smoke bomb and we walk to Michaels house...Jae and I decide to light 3 smoke bombs and drop them in the mail slot that is attached to Michael's front door...we drop them and run top speed back to my garage and sit on the couch and act like we are innocent...of course down the street theres a house with blue, red and white colored smoke coming out of windows and doors...Michael and his sister Tracy come out front coughing and looking our way...little did we know that they callled the police.
The LA County Sheriff pulls up and talks to Michael and he points our way...the sheriff walks over to us and asks if we had thrown any smoke bombs in Michaels house...we fessed up and pointed at the oranges that Michael had thrown at us...the sheriff said we overreacted and asked to speak to our parents..he talks to my mom and Jae's folks and after a while he finally leaves. Our folks chastised us...but they knew Michael's M.O. and laughed it off.

Shaun's Playboys

My buddy Shaun had some Playboys that he used to store in a bag in his closet. For whatever reason and I cant remember why...his Step Mom happened upon his Playboy collection and confronted Shaun with them. She asked where did you get these? Shaun thought of the first answer he could come up with..."Joe's he said"....they are Joe's Playboys...referring to my buddy Joe Ortiz. Now Joe picked this time of all times to come visit Shaun and see if he wanted to go do something. Joe nonchalantly knocks on the door and Shaun's step mom opens the door and hands the box of Playboys to Joe and says here Joe...take your damn Playboys with you!!! and then slams the door.  Joe opens the box and sure enough it is full of Playboys...not knowing what to do he heads to my house with the box...rings my doorbell and I answer the door. Joe is standing there with this box and says..."Shaun's Step Mom just gave me these Playboys!!"...I got wide eyed and said why did she do that?? beats the shit out of me says Joe!...we head up stairs and begin to the magazines when my phone's Shaun on the other line telling us he wants his magazines back...I relay the message to Joe and we laugh and tell Shaun...sorry dude your Step mom gave them to us.

Random Thoughts 6/8/2008

These are just some random thoughts that I have been having lately and thought I should post them here and see if anybody agrees.

1. Did you know that people actually get mad when a store asks to see an ID when they use a credit card! I've had a few retail and food workers tell me that. Im astonished...would these idiots rather somebody steal their credit card and use it without anybody checking IDs!! If your somebody who gets mad at somebody when they ask to see your ID when you use a credit card...I really hope you become a victim of id theft!!
2. People are blaming AM PM clerks for high gas prices!! I actually saw some moron cussing out some poor lady who was working at an AM Pm because he is angry about gas prices. I asked the guy if he thinks the lady gets free gas...he just looked at me and walked out. WHO HONESTLY THINKS ITS THE AM PM CLERRKS FAULTS FOR THE HIGH GAS PRICES???!!!!
3. Panhandlers- It seems I can't go anywhere without somebody begging for money nowadays!!! Its always black or white people....I never see a person of hispanic descent begging for money. Everybody gets on Mexicans for taking jobs....well guess what?? At least they freakin work!!!
4. George Bush supporters...Bush has a 25% approval rating...meaning 25% of Americans think he is doing a good job. In other words...25% of our country are retards!!
5. Bible thumpers- Here in California Gay Marriage just got approved by our Courts. The Bible thumpers are all up in arms and promissing a fight come November when we the voters actually get our say on the issue. The say they will fight the Proposition tooth and nail!! You know what? get this...after gay marriage got had no effect on my know why?? IM NOT GAY!!! I dont give a rat's ass if 2 guys or women want to get married....if it makes people happy more power to them. If the bible thumpers want to really make a difference why dont they fight gang violence? drug abuse? domestic violence?

Drill Sergeant is Coming....Drill Sergeant is Coming!!

It was another lazy Saturday while I was still a holdover in AIT in Fort Lee,VA. All of the chores had been completed and people were just chilling. Shining boots, playing pool, watching TV, reading books...or whatever else people did to unwind. Since it was the weekend before payday a lot of us decided to stay in the barracks rather than do anything since mostly everybody was broke. I had a few extra bucks and decided I was going to the PX for some pizza. As I got downstairs I overheard the CQ on duty talking on the phone and I figured he was talking to the Head Drill Sergeant...Drill Sergeant Williams. I figured out that Williams was coming and that he was looking for "volunteers' for a work detail.  I thought to myself...I'm safe since Im on my way out anyways...should I warn the others?
My good conscince won I ran upstairs as fast as I could and went all over the place...I looked a lot like Paul Revere warning about the red coats. I opened the first day room and peaked my head in and exclaimed.."Drill Sergeant is coming and he's looking for a detail!!!". I had never seen so many people move so fast..I ran to the other day room and warned them as well. You would've thought I said we were under attack, people were moving so fast. I peaked my head into the female hallway and yelled.."Drill sergeant is coming and he''s looking for a detail"!! I saw a girl run out of the restroom in a towel and into her bay. By the time I went through the whole building it had pretty much emptied out. I peaked out the window and saw him walking into the front. I ran down the stairs and out the back door.
The only people he found were 2 poor saps who were out running. I found out later that they had to mow a large field with a mower...ha ha!!

What Happens in Vegas....Can Only Happen in Vegas

About 6 years ago my friends Sheila and Dave decided to get married in Las Vegas. The stayed at the Flamingo and I stayed next door at the Imperial Palace. It was them, 2 of Daves friends, his brother, his mom and Sheilas parents and her daughter Cameron. We all stayed in different places around Vegas. Well the night after they got married they had said that we are all going to party at Coyote Ugly while the older folks watched Sheila's daughter. But as the night went on...Sheila and Dave were too burnt out from the day's events and decided to stay in for the I was basically on my own.
So I put on some sharp clothes and headed down to the bar adjacent to Imperial Palace. I mosied up to the bar and ordered a beer and just started chatting with the bartender and the bar back...they were cool as hell and we just started bullshitting about all different kinds of things. Now the only other people in the club at the time were a group of 4-5 early-mid 20s females who were having a good time. All of whom were very nice looking.
After awhile two of them walk up to the bar and join in with our conversation and we all are having a good old time. Turns out that they are all from San Diego and the one who is talking to me owns a bikini store in Carlsbad...Im thinking oh wow!! The girls ask the bartender to surprise them with a the bartender gets a gleam in his eyes and mixes up some white creamy concoction...If I remember it had some Kahlua and some other the girl goes to drink it...and the taste catches her so off guard that when she spits it up...its coming out of her nose and heres this gorgeous young lady with a white creamy liquid coming from her nose and mouth...and I was laughing my ass off. After cleaning herself up she asks myself and the barback which strip clubs are the best. We both say Olympic Gardens because it has 2 floors one with male strippers and the other for female strippers. The girls look at us and say...we arent here to see men strip. I look at the barback and he looks at me and we just think..."Oh man". The girls ask the bar back what time he was getting off and the bartender looks up and says..."NOW!!"...He's off now!! The bartender reaches into his tip jar and hands money to the barback and says...take them to the Gardens and take this guy with you (Pointing at me).
So we all leave the bar...myself, the bar back and the girls all in tow. Of course they are all drunk as hell...but of course myself and my new friend are enjoying every minute of this.
We hail a mini van cab and head to Olympic Gardens. We walk in and head to a corner booth. Some of the older guys in there look at my friend and I with some "You lucky bastards eyes"...So there I am...average Ron...and some guy I never met before...surrounded by 4-5 20 something lovelies...female strippers all around...I thought I died and was in a hip hop video all of a sudden!!!
the girl who owned the bikin store ordered us drinks and looked at me and asked if I wanted a lap dance? My eyes opened wide...and said...oh hells yes. So she says...which girl do you want? of course me being the charmer...I said..umm..."you". She looks at me and comments that I'm sweet...and I giggle like a school boy....but she says no seriously...which one do you want? I point to one that looked latina. My friend waved her over and if you have never been to a strip club...strippers are drawn to large groups especially if there are pretty women in the group. So the stripper does her thing...and my friend is watching and drinking...the barback is having fun with one of the other girls we came with...and the rest are at the bar ordering drinks.
After a while we leave and hail cabs and head back to the hotel......The End??
Yeah like I would tell you the rest!!!!

One Counterclocker Goes Boom

Reception at AIT was not nearly as hectic as reception was in Basic Training. In AIT there are still Drill Sergeants but they aren’t as in your face as they ones in Basic..but they still retain the eagerness to embarass a Private when given an oppurtunity....and Lord did I provide them with such an oppurtunity.
Now one of the basic rules at AIT in Fort Lee, VA is that you are not allowed to listen to walkmans or any headphones while outside. This could keep you from hearing any marching platoons...when a platoon is marching you must stand at ease as they walk by....if not it is a sign of disrespect and the DS of that platoon can get in your face. I was unaware of the no walkmans outside rule..
After 8 weeks of basic and no music I was happy as hell to have my walkman back and I had bought some tapes at the PX. On this particular day I was listening to ACDC of the greatest ever baby. Just as I stepped outside I felt a tap on my shoulder...I turn around and there is a Drill Sergeant...I took off my head phones and snapped.."Yes Drill sergeant". The DS informed me of the no walkmans outside rule and proceeded to confiscate it and told me I could have it back before I went to my AIT Training Company.
2 days went by and it was our last day in reception before going to our training units. So I approached the drill sergeant and enquired about my walkman. He informed me that in order to get it back...I would have to yelll at the top of my lungs..1 Counter clocker goes boom...drop and do a push up....get back up then say 2 counter clockers go boom boom...then drop and do 2 push on and so forth. Of course the entire building was empteed out and waiting to goto their respective areas...well over 100 soldiers...males and females. Needless to say after the first counterclocker...everybody was looking at my situation and I can hear lots of laughing. After about 20 counter clockers (I have no idea what the fuck a counter clocker is) the Drill Sergeant finally gave my radio and told me I was the only one who got his radio confiscated who actually asked for it back....everybody else was too scared or nervous. So I joined my platoon..and they were all laughing their asses off. Plantamura asked what a counter clocker was...I said I had no fucking idea...and Phelps said well we all know it goes boom!!!


  AIT is Adavanced Individualized Training...basically it’s where you learn your job. The Army can send you to any number of places based on your MOS. I had the fortunate oppurtunity to goto Fort Lee, Virginia just outside of Richmond. Fort Lee or Fort Leisure as it’s referred to by those of us who were there and by the jealous recruits who had to do AIT in places like Fort Leavenworth or Fort Sill, OK.
I met a lot of people there who without whom I probably wouldn’t have become the man I became. During my time in the regular time and my time as a holdover (Which I will talk about later). This blog will be an introductory blog to the cast of characters I will touch on in future blogs.
PVT Jackson- From Harlem, NY He worked at McDonalds before he enlisted. He had a tendency to attract women with a lot of drama and issues. Jackson was a great guy, but tended to be somewhat gullible sometimes. Jackson kinda looks like Chris Rock but skinnier and with acne.
PFC Brooks- Our beloved Platoon Leader....NOT!! This guy was our platoon leader..but respect he did not have. I think he had good intentions and personally I didnt have any problems with the guy...but he was very indecisive.
PFC Charlie Plantamura- Brooklyn, New York He is the quintessetial Brooklynite....Italian, tall, loud and proud...he was funny as hell. He could drink and drink and drink.
PVT. Witherington- From Grady, Alabama- Population 2000...A true Southern boy...had his definite opinions on race relations..liked to line dance and enjoyed chewing tobacco.
Pvt Luckadoo-(From the South...I forget where)....We called Luckadoo..."Buddy Fucker". We were all pretty loyal to one another and watched each other’s back...but this guy you had to watch at first. After awhile he became one of us.
Pvt Welsh- From Oklahoma, This guy had no standards when it came to women..(Of course my standards lowered while in AIT)...but Welsh couldnt say no to anybody. It wound up getting him into trouble later on.
Pfc. Sanchez-He was a quiet guy and mostly kept to himself...but he was very reliable and hard working
The guys above were apart of my regular class...the following were some of my fellow holdovers. I was a holdover because due to a stress fracture I suffered in Basic...I was having a hard time passing the 2 mile run in the PT Test.
Pfc. Bell- Kansas City, Missouri...This guy was tall and big...he was a total Charles Barkley lookalike. At first I was a bit intimidated by him, but once he saw that he could trust me...he became a decent friend.
Pvt. Nyghen- A fellow Southern Californian...from up near Six Flags...he and I became drinking buddies....we would get shit faced.
Pfc Delaunne- (New Orleans,LA) Was a hold over waiting for orders to goto Panama....he was waiting for awhile.
Pfc. Smith- A tall white dude...the girl I was messing with hooked up with him.
Now that the intros have been made....the stories will begin...

I Shot My Neighbor

My buddies Luie, Joe Rinie and myself were shooting a BB Gun in Luie’s backyard. I was 16 or so at the time and they were roughly the same age. We were taking turns shooting cans off of Luie’s fence....not knowing Luie’s neighbor Ken was working in his garden next door.
It was my turn to shoot when I said hey this is how gangs shoot....I aimed it sideways and shot it...the BB missed the cans and all of a sudden we hear from the backyard next door...."OWW...LUIE GOD DAMN IT!!!".  We shot Ken in the ass evidently. We all ran inside Luie’s house and hid out in the living room like nothing happened....we hear a loud banging on Luie’s door....Luie goes to open it.
Ken- God damn it Luie you shot me in the ass with a BB gun!!!!
I came over and accepted responsibility....but ken was pissed...and later told Luie’s dad and my Step Dad about what happened....Luie had his BB gun taken away and I was told I couldnt shoot bb guns anymore with Luie....but that was some funny ass stuff though!!

Peter Gets Maced

Peter Gets Maced
For this story to truly have it's intended affect I need to describe my old friend Peter Ponce. I met Peter through Joe, they and Jerry and our other buddy all worked together at Montgomery Wards Distribution Center in Chino. Peter was about 5 ft 9inches and slightly overweight due to his uh heavy drinking. Peter was a DRINKER!! He would get fucked up and do some really stupid shit time in particular stands out.
Joe, myself, Ricky and Peter had all just left Club Metro (A Happening night spot back in the day.) Peter was shit faced...but he was still aware enough to recognize a hot chick if he saw one. Walking to the car he notices a car with 2 very nice looking latinas all dolled up and looking very nice. Peter looks at us and says those bitches look hot!! Im thinking oh no...he walks over to the car and introduces himself...but he is obviously really fucked up. The ladies are obviously not Peter walks, but without warning whips his shit out and starts pissing on the girls tire...Ricky, Joe and I are like .."oh no"...The driver looks back and calls Peter over...Peter barely gets his shit back in his pants as he walks to the window...the girl beckons Peter to bend down...Peter peers in and all of a sudden the girl sprays Peter with pepper spray right in the eyes....
Peter begins to flail as the car speeds away..."Bitch...The Bitch Fucken Maced Me"!!! Of course the 3 of us being the friends that we are...begin to laugh our asses off. "DICKS THIS SHIT ISNT FUNNY....I CANT SEE A FUCKEN THING!!!!" We get Peter by the arms and help him into the car...luckly Ricky had a half of bottled water left and began pouring it in Peter's eyes to try and flush the peper spray out...>Peter is all but clawing his eyes out and Joe and I are in tears laughing our asses off....needless to say Peter sobered up in a hurry from the excruciating pain of the pepper spray.
We had to stop at Circle K and we helped him into the restroom...the clerk asked what happened as there are 2 guys leading a crying guy who is screaming and cussing into the restroom at Circle K. Peter yells out..."SOME BITCH MACED ME!!!". We get him to the sink and start flushing his eyes out with more water...the whole time we are laughing and he is cussing a storm...finally we get most of the spray out but his eyes were bloodshot from all the rubbing and burning.

So I Live In the Past Part 10

Cruising Magnolia
Well guess what since my vocal cords are fucked up and can barely talk right now...I'm home and have decided to write yet another blog today...
The City of Riverside is about 54 miles east of Los Angeles...and back in the day oh about 1992 it was a great spot to cruise...Magnolia Ave to be exact. People brought out there cars and would bump their tunes and cruise up and down the road...nowdays I don't get the point of cruising...but back then it was a great way to meet hot women. We would cruise and then park in a Taco Bell parking lot and just chill. One night that chilling almost got us hurt.
Joe, Peter, Ricky and myself were sitting outside Taco Bell just munching down on some good ole 59 cent tacos and 79 cent burritos. We look up and out of the corner of our eyes we see a guy with a bat go after another car and try hitting the window with the bat...the car peels out and begins to take off...we are thinking holdy shit what the hell is going on??
All of a sudden we hear what sounds like firecrackers...and all we hear is "he's got a gun"!!! The four of us jump out of our seats and jump into Joe's car....Joe who normally slowly backs up starts and peels out...we are basically jumping into the car...out of the corner of my eye I see somebody with a 22. Calibur running down the street shooting at the car that was being hit with a bat...we took off like a bat out of hell. People were running everywhere...this guy with the gun jumps into a car and takes off.
We go the opposite direction. Turns out we each wound up with what we were eating on our clothes. I had sour cream all over my Thats how crazy we ran

So I Live in the Past Part 9

Basic Training: Easter
As some of you may already know I served our country in the US Army Reserves and yes there are some classic Basic Training stories. Here's one...It's Easter Sunday and the Drill Sergeants announce that the Morale and Welfare people of Fort Jackson are putting on a concert for the recruits of our Batallion and we are all going. They also tell us that there will be candy and soda there and that we are not to think about partaking in those treats. So we march in formation to a football field that is on post and there is a stage set up and a band is up there playing cover tunes and there are many female recruits. the Drill Sergeants give us final instructions and we finally break formation and enter the festivities.
Not having seen any females for about 5 weeks now...I'd say my standards may have lowered a bit. So I find what I describe as an "Army Cute" girl and ask her to dance as there are many male soldiers and female soldiers dancing. "Army Cute" means that she is pretty in comparison to what else is there. We dance to some Earth Wind and Fire, Commodores and other dance tunes. I look over and see many of my friends sitting on bleachers with dear in headlight looks on there faces. Many of them are from parts of the country where maybe they dont get out too much. Shining Star comes on and Im thinking this girl wont want to dance to a slow I turn to walk away and she just grabs me and gets real close....Im thinking this is cool.  So we bump and grind for awhile and that was the last song of the day...the whole concert lasted for maybe an hour and a half.
We all get back into formation just outside the gates and the Drill sergeants march us back to the barracks. We are standing in front of the barracks in formation when the sergeants tell us to get in inspection formation and to take out or cantines. Inspection formation is where they have room to walk by and inspect each recruit. As they walk by they tell each recruit to dump the contents of the cantine....water....water....water...I dump mine I had water. They get tto the last row and I'l never forget the words I heard next....
Pvt. Eschelman- (Sheepishly) Soda Drill Sergeant!!
I cringed because I knew we would all play for his mistake. Then we were told to turn our pockets inside out....and out of Eschelman's pocket came Snickers and some other chocolate bars. As well as from the guy next to him. The Drill Sergeants just walk back to the front and yell out calmly..."HALF RIGHT FACE!!"...."FRONT LEANING REST POSITION" move....thats the position to get into for push ups...they have us do several push ups and then get on our backs and have us do flutter kicks....flip back over...push ups....back to the other side flutter kicks. Needless to say the rest of us aren't very happy.
After what seemed like an eternity...the drill sergeants finally order us to get up and get back into this time we are sore as hell and a little pissed.
We all get inside and the four squad leaders along with the platoon leader ask Eschelman what he was thinking....he just said he was hungry and he wanted soda. We all decided on an appropriate punishment....he would have to do every one of our work details for the rest of the day. He wound up doing the work of 29 other guys...while we all relaxed. 

The Megaphone

For my 17th birthday my mom takes me shopping and I tell her to take me to Radio Shack. We get to Radio Shack and I go straight for what I had been wanting for weeks...a megaphone that plays several different songs on it. College Fight songs, the charge like they play at baseball games and other old time favorites.
I get home with it and the first thing I do is go around the corner to my friend Shaun's house. I get to where his window is and I clock the trigger and say..."YOU IN THE HOUSE COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP?"...Shaun's head darts up into his bedroom window and I speak into the megaphone..."HEY LOOK WHAT I GOT FOR MY BIRTHDAY"!!!...Shaun just shakes his head and Im sure is thinking Oh no. So he says come on up...I go into the house and his brother Jaime is sitting in the living room calmly watching TV as I come up behind him and talk into the megaphone..."WHATS UP JAIME??"....I swear he just about pissed his pants. Shaun yells down the stairs..."Dont do that shit in the house!!!"....I click the mega phone trigger and say "OK"!!
So football season comes and I decide to bring the megaphone to football games to support the team. My mom is taking myself, Joe and Shaun to the game in our old 1971 Ford Black Duster. As we are coming up to the corner near Chino High...there is an apartment complex where a lot of Illegal aliens lived. So my stupid ass clicks the megaphone and with the volume way up...I say..."LA IMIGRA"!! "LA IMIGRACION"!!!....From out of nowhere my Mom backhands me and the megaphone falls out of my hand. She just says..."What the hell do you think are doing?"...I can hear Shaun and Joe trying so hard not to laugh. She drops us off at the game and after she leaves Shaun and Joe just about laughed there asses off laughing at me.

So I Live in the Past Part 7

New Years in Pasadena

It's New Years Eve 1992, Joe, myself, our friends Peter, Danny, Jerry, Jerry's psycho ex girlfriend Melanie, Saul and Ricky were all trying to figure out what to do on New Years Eve...we hadnt made any solid plans so we were just looking for something to do. We all showed up to Melanie's family's house in Brea or Placentia I cant remember which because Jerry had invited us...I think Jerry was bored and wanted some friends to show up so we obliged...after about 20 minutes we came to the conclusion that this party sucks we needed to make some different plans and pronto.  Peter suggests Colorado Blvd in Pasadena...he says many people go out there on New Years well all agree. Two of Melanie's friends ask to come along because they are bored as well...Jerry wants to go with us but Melanie all but forbids he is forced to stay behind. So the rest of us all jump into 3 different vehicles and hightail it out of the OC and head towards Pasadena.
Now Joe had just bought his first brand new was a white 1992 Ford Escort...he was so proud of it...always keeping it clean and as shiny as he could keep it. So here we are keeping up with one another on the freeway when Joe taps me on the shoulder and points to the eyes widen as I see the ticker pointing a shaed over 100...We just look at each other increduously...Melanie's friends are in our back seat drinking tequila and oblivious to our high speed...I just look at Joe and say warp speed Mr. Sulu.
So in less than 40 minutes we flew from Northern OC to Pasadena and as we finally make it to Colorado is packed with cruisers on the road and people camped out for the next day's Rose is one big party basically. There are our 3 vehicles crusing right along when a convoy of low riders pull alongside and start doing there thing by bouncing and showing off to everybody...Peter is in the car in front of us and I see Saul climb into the backseat and start jumping up and down in the backseat and making Peter's little Toyota Tercel bounce....hey they were getting some height on the jumps too. One of the low riders werent impressed and started talking shit to Peter...not knowing that Peter had his car and 2 other cars full of people as back up...The Impala opens up and 3 people get out...right then and there all of our cars opened up and a total of 9 people got out and we all basically asked if ther was a problem? The assholes looked around and got back in their car and we all continued about our evening.
As we are crusing along the 2 girls in our backseat are getting really buzzed and flirty and Joe and I are thinking we may get lucky tonight...."OH HELL YEAH"!! But then one of them says that she has to use the restroom...but there is so much traffic and all the side streets are we are unable to turn off for them to use the restroom....but the traffic is so much at a standstill we tell them to get out and use the gast station's restroom that was next to us. Not 2 minutes after we let them out...traffic starts to move a little more steadily. All the side streets are blocked and we are getting farther and farther from where we let the 2 drunk girls off.
About 4 blocks up the clock hit midnight Joe and I exchange New Years greetings...but we mad the girls werent in the car and Joe and I are wondering how are we going to go back and get the 2 girls when something goes flying through the window and zips past Joe and myself...I look at Joe and ask..."Was that a tortilla?".....Joe looks at me and says.."I think so"...Why would a tortilla go flying through the window I thought...without warning...Joe's car along with everyother car on the street gets lit up with super soakers, whip cream, silly string, tortillas and shaving cream. "Roll up the fucken window" Joe blurts out.....Joe is pissed....his brand new car got fucked up by all the shit that was being tossed and shot. All he can do is turn on his wipers and so we can see.
A few more blocks up Joe is finally able to turn into a neighborhood and pullover so we can survey the damage on his car and go back and get the girls who had to have been at least 8 blocks away. Joe gets a rag out and wipes in vain what he can off of his car...he had this look on his face like what the fuck just happened?
We decide to split up on either side of the street and go find the 2 girls we left behind. Now mind you this is before cell we had no way of calling them. We walk for sometime before I get to the corner before the gas station and spot the 2 lovely ladies..I cross and tap them on the shoulder...they both had tears in their eyes and actually thought we left them...they both gave me a big hug and a kiss...we got Joe and walked back to the car. One of the girls asks...what happened to the car? Joe just shakes his head and says...dont ask. We all get in the car and head to the freeway and head for home to end the night.
The next day Joe calls and tells me it took him 4 hours to wash all that shit off of his car.

I Know A Porn Star

I Know A Porn Star!!
So one morning in 1997 Im listening to Howard Stern and he's talking to some porn stars (whatelse is new right?) One of them introduces herself as Alisha far the name has no meaning to me...but then she discusses being arrested at a porn convention for indecency (How the fuck does that happen?) Howard reads the report and divulges her real name....Alicia Pieri...I just about spit out whatever I was drinking and scrambled to pick up a phone. I called my friend Tim who is flabergasted he had no idea. At the time I was living with my friend Shaun and his wife at the time I called Shaun and told him and he just about doubled over. So Tim comes and gets me later that night and we are now on a find an Alisha Klass movie!!
First stop the always classy Toy Box in Upland....we walk in and start looking around...we had no idea where to look or anything so we asked the lady behind the counter if she had any Alisha Klass movies and she said that they do not carry any Seymour Butts related stuff. I looked at her with a blank look..."Who the hell is Seymour Butts"?...she said like I shouldve known..."thats Alisha's husband/producer"....Oh of course I shouldve fucken known....she gives us a few titles of Alisha Klass movies...such classics such as "Behind The Sphinc Door", "Tushy Heaven", and "Tampa Tushy Fest"...(Seeing a pattern in the titles?)...Tim and I wont be deterred...we will find an Alisha Klass movie damnit!!!
So with our new found knowledge we continue to the always elegant Deja Vu in Ontario and I go right to the clerk and ask if they had "Behind the Sphinc Door"...the clerks asks how to spell Sphinc...and Tim laughs as I spell it with exasperation....S....P.....H...I.....N...C...the clerk says nope...and that they had no Alisha Klass videos....."DAMNIT!! I thought...what kind of porno store is this???"
Tim and I decide to change our porno finding strategy and try a store we wouldn't think would have it....Super Duper Video...of course to access the porno section have to open this loud ass door that just says "Perverts entering...everybody look"!!! We go back there and low and behold what do we find?? ...The Alisha Klass Klassic.,..."Tushy Heaven"....Tim and I high fived each other and without thinking take the box to the clerk....the clerk looks at us and says the video is in a black box in the back...Tim all but runds back and gets the actual video case....we leave the store triumphant with video in hand and rush back to my apartment where Shaun is chilling on the couch watching TV....I tell Shaun...we foud an Alisha Klass porno!! Shaun flies off of the couch and puts the video in his VCR and we all sit down to watch it...right then Joe shows up to see whats up..and we tell him to sit down and enjoy the show...
The video opens with Alisha opening a door and saying..."Ive been s horny waiting all day for you"....I wish a camera couldve snapped apicture of the expressions on all of our faces as we watched this girl we all knew from high school invite us into her bedroom....Joe hanst figured out who she is I run and retrieve my yearbook and show him...his eyes light up...THATS ALICIA PIERI?? Gawd Damn.
So here's the scene....four guys watching a porno with our mouths wide open and the door opens and theres Shaun's wife at the time Renee...."What the hell are you guys watching"? Shaun grabs my yearbook and explains it to her....she just shakes her head and goes into hers and Shauns room.
Thats All Folks!!

Ron and Tim vs The McGwire Brothers

Ron and Tim versus The McGwire Brothers
It's the summer of 1989...I just graduated..I have my first job...all is well for me. Now there were a group of us who took a class called Group Dynamics together. It's a class where you really get to know other people and we became a very tight knit group of friends. Tim, Kim, Charlene, John, Kristy, Peter, Jeff, Tina and some others we became really good friends...always there for each other.
Well Kim's family was throwing a birthday party for Kim and they invited all of us. So being the good friends we are...we all showed up and were having a good time. Dancing, drinking sodas....the normal things you do at a birthday party. Off to the side there was another group of people that Kim didnt really know too well...they were friends of Kim's parents and they had some people with them as well...but they were drinking some beer and getting kind of buzzed.
After a while they saw us having a good time and decided to come to where we were...and without warning grabbed Kim and threw her in the pool..she was surprised but took it well. Now myself and the others we werent really dressed to go swimming...I had on a nice new shirt I bought from I had no intentions of getting wet. Now these idiots threw another friend in...and Im thinking what the hell?? All of a sudden somebody grabbed me from behind...and let me tell you...I do not like being touched or grabbed by a guy instinctively I went into fight mode and elbowed this guy in the stomach. He doubled oveand I picked up a beach chair and hit with it...and then his two friends started approaching me...they were kind of big mind least 6 feet each. I looked behind me and grabbed a baseball bat and dared for them to get buddy Tim pushed the other guy away who had gotten back up and was coming after me again...I look up and our other friend Peter comes outside with another bat..and all of a sudden we have an old fashioned stand off...the 3 of us and these 3 drunk dumb asses. Finally Kim's parents and these guys parents come over...and we were the ones asked to we left, but all of our friends came with us and we went down the street to Charlene's house and were hanging out in Tim's truck...
Kim comes down a little later and informs us on who the guys were....Mark McGwire's (The retired baseball player) 2 younger brothers and a friend of theirs. Ha ha...some family!!
Kim was embarassed that her parents kicked us out and not she left her own party.
For years after that we would always see Mark McGwire on TV and just think what dumb asses he has for brothers.

So I Live in the Past Part 4

Sorry Shaun....I have to tell this classic story...
(Disclaimer: I am not a homophobe now...but back then I may have continue reading)
My Buddy Gets Hired to Dance at a Birthday Party
Roughly a week after meeting my friend's buddy Shaun came up for leave from Camp Pendleton. I hadn't seen him since I left for Basic Training....we caught up and then went to our friend Dan's house. Now Dan's neighbor had heard that Shaun can dance just like Michale Jackson and wanted to hire him to dance at her brother's birthday party. Myself, Dan and Shaun thought that's cool...she wants Shaun to dance for her brother and she is going to pay....we are all thinking its a kid....
The night of the party arrives and we get to the house in the directions as we walk into the backyard Shaun isnt to aware of the surroundings as he is getting into his "mindset" as he used to put it. But myself, Daniel and his friend Mike are getting weird vibes from the people that are at the party...first of all ther are no "kids"'s all adults....MALE adults. I look at Daniel and ask him what kind of party is this? Daniel's friend non chalantly says I dont like the looks of this...Shaun is oblivious to all of it as he is just going over his routine in his head...but the music is blaring and it just so happens...Village People's YMCA comes on and all the guys who wernt dancing...decided to each other....Daniel says.."ITS A GAY PARTY"!!!!...all of a sudden Shaun looks up and I hear him say..."Holy shit!!"...Im holding a beer in my hand and proceed to spit out the contents of my mouth....and I say..."What the fuck is going on Shaun??"...I go away to Basic Training...come back and you are dancing at Gay parties?? Shaun just says..."I had no fucken idea"!!!  The girl who hired Shaun comes out and greets us..and I ask her how much is Shaun getting paid...she says $40...Shaun just says..."Can we talk?"...we all go inside and sit around a table...and the girl is saying Im sorry Shaun...I assumed you knew my brother was gay...Shaun has this look on his face like what the fuck??...Daniel, Mike and myself are just taking survey of the situation...I get up to use the restroom...before I leave I just tell renegotiate.
I get back to the table and Shaun is now getting paid a bit more than before so he agrees to it. We all go back outside an Dan, myself and Mike are huddled against a wall with our asses aganst the wall drinking beer. Shaun comes outside in costume and being the consumate professional that he always was...he was ready to go. Luckily for Shaun there was one really gorgeous woman at the party willing to dance with him for "The Wake me Feel" dance he did. Of course halfway through Billie Jean when Shaun grabbed gay guy clapped very flamboyantly and said "Fabulous"!!! Shaun I think shut out what was happening and just did his thing....I know I couldnt have done it my friend!!
After he is finished we tell Shaun...get the money and lets go dude!! One guy grabs my friend Mike by the arm and tells him...your friend was fabulous!! Shaun gets the money we say our good byes and go...

So I Live in the Past Part 3

Moving to Chino....
It's Summer 1985 I just finished my Freshman Year at Cerritos and my folks have decided to move to someplace called Chino. I had no idea where Chino folks drive myself and my step brother out there to see the new house and as we get closer I notice there are a lot of cows. We get out of the car to see our yet to be completed home and then the smell hits mind you Im sensitive to smells anyways....the smell of feces tends to make me gag. So this smell of a calf farm that was down the road, a horse farm and the dairies that were mear blocks from my home was overwhelming to my city nose. I grew up in Redondo Beach and Cerritos/Artesia so I was so not used to this horrible scent that was permeating my nostrils.
Before moving to Chino my family and I were staying with friends in mom, dad, myself and step brother along with my lab Tai...were all staying it what was a large living room until our house could be completed. All I remember was walking to Golf 'n' Stuff every other day and playing some video games to pass the time since I didnt know anybody in the area...all my friends were in Cerritos/Artesia.
After about a month of this one room living our house was finished and we moved to the country living of Chino. When we moved there the popultation was about 50,000...there were 2 high schools, no movie theaters, and lots and lots of cows. My mom enrolled me in summer school as I had to make up some credits I lost because I left Cerritos High too first day at Chino was in the summer and I was already feeling out of is a kid dressed in OPs, Vans and other beachwear mingling with these cocky rich dairy kids...and trying to adjust to the cow shit smell. Anyways where am I going with this long story??
Within our first month of living in was about 830 at night when we heard a siren come from the distance. I went out to see and I could make out the water tower near the prison had a flashing blue light and a siren squealing from the time I had no clue that meant somebody had just escaped from the prison..."HOLY FUCKING SHIT" I thought...not only does it wreak of cow shit but there are prisoners busting out of the fucking prison. The street up from me I saw several police cars screaming towards the prison and the surrounding area. Police Explorers were handing out wanted posters of the escapee...I went in the house and showed my folks.  I said smells like shit here and there are prisoners running loose. My parents reassured me and I went about my business.
Turns out they caught the guy the next day...I forget where...but that were my first impressions of Chino...cow shit and prison breaks!!!

WWE Fan Axxess 5/23/2008

Well I went down to the WWE's annual Fan Axxess down at Universal City Walk and it was fun. Nobody was available to go with me so I had to go solo...but those that know me know thats no big deal for me. WWE Fan axxess is a traveling fan interaction event the WWE puts on to hype Wrestlemania every year. This year they had a stage set up, a game show, an entrance ramp where you can have an entrance set to WWE theme music, tattoos, WWE video games etc. Of course I had to do the entrance and did mine to Batista's theme music...then I played the game show which is a 3 person trivia contests and the first to 3 wins a prize...of course I won again. Then I got to go on stage with Hillbilly Jim and the host...Hillbilly Jim totally recognized me from all the other events I have been to....and I won a T-shirt and a dvd for answering some more trivia...I had a lot of fun at this...I got out of there before the rain started coming down to heavily.

So I Live in the Past Part 2

Well it's summer 1994...August to be exact and I've just returned home from a 6 month stint in the Army...I had done my Basic Training in South Carolina and AIT in Virginia. Those that know me that prior to leaving for basic I wasnt what you would call a serious drinker. Id get drunk of Zima and wine coolers...that was it...I wasnt a beer drinker at all...but while away I discovered that beer really wasnt that bad.  While in Virginia Id order a pitcher and the bartender would ask "how many glasses" I needed...Id look at him and ask.."I dont need no stinking glasses" and proceed to consume the pitcher on my own.  Now coming home little did I know that one of my "gang"  Joe had met a girl at Club Metro and he was pretty serious about her. He was excited for me to meet her and was telling her what a great friend I was and that I wasnt much of a drinker..etc....etc. Of course he was describing the Pre-Army Ron Scott..
So my first night back Im at my friend Jerry's getting drunk off of my ass...Im to the point where Im laying on his steps in front of his house and it was at this time...Joe pulls up with his fiancee...they come walking up and Im so unable to stand at thhis point...all I can do is hold my hand out as Joe intros his girl to me...I look up and drooling and in garbles speech say.."Pleased to meet you"!! Joe was trying so hard not to laugh...and Jerry comes out and helps me to my feet so Im not looking like a total front of our friend's fiancee. After a few minutes they left...and Joe told me the next morning that he speant the trip back trying to convince his girl that I was not an alcoholic...and that I had never been that fucked up....
Of course Joe wasnt there when I was puking off of the Holiday Inn Balcony overlooking Virginia Beach about a month before coming home.

So I Live In The Past Part 1

It's the late 90's and I just moved to Claremont where i was renting a room from my then friend Beth. She was throwing a party for a friend and they were going to have a male stripper so evidently myself and my friends Shaun and Joe had to make ourselves scarce. So we exit and head to our watering hole at the time...The Buffalo Inn in Upland as we arrive it is a little busier than usual and we notice the girl seating people seems new and nervous. Without explanation she disappears inside and we are left outside with other people waiting to get in and everybody is looking around like..."Now what?". Joe gets up and grabs the clipboard with all of the reservations and just reads..."Bob party of 4"!! Shaun gets up and grabs 4 menus and the party of 4 gets up and follows him to an empty table. Joe then reads another name and I grab a menu and lead another party to an empty table...this goes on until we get to our names. By this time the manager comes out with the stressed out girl expecting to see a lot of angry customers. Instead he sees all of the customers seated and the 3 of us waiting to be seated. We explain what happened and he walks us to our table and come back with a free pitcher of beer and just says thank you.

I Was On TV (12-24-2007)

Last night I had the oppurtunity to be on a local Los Angees sports show called The Challenge. I was one of four studio contestants in a show hosted by local sports legend Fred Roggin. I had so much fun...I was the first contestant and when he asked my questions he would ask an NBA coach and I would give him the team that coach coached....I got the first 4 but blew it when he asked about Flip Saunders...I forgot he no longer coached the T-Wolves.
But the experience was incredible...the people at NBC are really nice they were great to me and my girlfriend Rebecca who came with me for support. It was cool to shoot the shit with Fred in the make up room while we were getting our make up done for the show.
Fred and many others involved with the show said myself and the other contestants made this one of the best shows all year because we were lively and energetic. Im wondering if they will invite me back.
What's funny is the people at my work warned me no to end up like the guy who was asked "True or False you can buy Office supplies at Staples Center and the guy answered yes"....while in the lobby waiting to go in I was talking to the other contestants and I mentioned that guy...when low and behold a heavy set guy raised his hand and said...."that was me". I about busted a gut...the guy insisted I take a picture with him and evidently wasnt taking no for an answer.
All in all the experience was awesome and hope I get to do it again sometime

Karl Dorrell Drinking Game (2007)

If Saturday was any indication, this will not be a fun season for UCLA fans. Karl Dorrell football is just not fun. In order to make this season somewhat more enjoyable, I submit to you the "Karl Dorrell Farewell Season Drinking Game." Use whatever beverage you like, but please stay away from the kool-aid.
Take a drink anytime any of the following happens:
*    Dorrell appears on screen and he's not doing sh_t (drink twice if he has anything stuffed down his pants).
*    You shake your head in dismay, bury your head in your hands or yell at the screen because of the game.
*    Our opponent breaks off a 30+ yard play against Walker's impregnable defense.
*    Run-Run-Pass successfully ends in a three and out. Try not to cry.
*    One of our tailbacks slams into a clusterf_ck of linemen for no gain.
*    If you happen to be watching GameDay and Corso and Herbstreit pick against us, take a shot.
*    We kick a field goal.
*    You see a shirt or sign critical of Dorrell in the broadcast.
*    An announcer mentions "the hotseat."
Finish what you have in front of you if:
*    Dorrell is shown literally turning a corner.
*    Karl Dorrell says we have to "execute better" or makes some other inane comment going into the locker at half.
*    You start thinking Dorrell might not be that bad after all. You should know better by now.

Comic Con 7/27/2007

Well another Comic Con has come and gone and I made it for the second year in a row. I went on Thursday and had a blast. I stayed at my buddy Joe's apartment who lives about 20 minutes away and this afforded me the chance to sleep and be able to get up early enough to find decent parking and get in line early enough. I got to the convention center around 630Am and there was already a pretty big line forming....I was wondering if anybody had speant the night.
I walked to the end of the line and began the wait to get into Comic Con....I met 4 really cool dudes and we all just chatted about all things comics, tv and movies.  When nerds like us get together we inevitibly talk about You Tube, Robot Chicken, Comics and movies. At about 900Am they started allowing people to go up stairs to checkn and get their IDs...after which we all sat around and continued to banter on about important stuff such as Slave Leia costumes and why Tony Stark is an asshole.
As the doors opened we kind of started splitting up as we all had our own agendas and things we wanted to do.  I just walked in soaking in all of the bells and whistles...eye candy and the mecca that is comic con that laid before me.  I had no idea where I was going to go first so I decided to just pick an end of the hall and work my way back and forth.
The highlights of the exhibit hall were talking to Tiffany Taylor once again...Meeting Wendy freakin fine ass Delgado...seeing the drop dead gorgeous one legged Cherry Darling...and finding great comics and graphic novels and cheap prices. Oh and seeing the comics I wish I could buy such as Spiderman 1 and X-Men 1. Then there was the oppurtunity to try out some yet to be released video games...seeing great art work and everything else that is comic con.
At about 1130Am I made my way to the line to get into the Paramount Studios Panel Discussion which would no doubt have previews for Iron Man. The line was already making its way around the building and was about as long as the line to get into the facility. I ran into one of the guys who I had met earlier he was from England...I couldnt make the poor bloke go all the way to the end which by now may have been half way to Seaport Village. So I cut him in and had discussions about English Soccer and God knows what else....we finally got into the room and saw previews for Spiderwick Chronicles, Beowulf, Iron Man, Hot Rod and a funny looking Owen Wilson movie.
After that let out I found myself just wandering all over the convention center...I went to try and buy tickets for Friday but they had sold out so that bummed me out. I then went back to the exhibit hall to buy the things I was going to get Friday...I also came away with a 300 Special Edition Comic con Exclusive....that movie so rocks!! Also got to meet the funny as hell Bob Stencil...look him up on You Tube if you want to know who he is....
Took some pics of people in costumes and then headed out...I swear next year Im bringing a lot more money....going more than one day...and I may even dress up this time....

Questions about the Bible

A few questions for the bible thumpers out there....I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Chris Benoit (6-28-2007)

OK...most of you know I have been and probably always will be a huge pro wrestling fan. So when I learned Monday night about Chris Benoit and his family dying I was pretty hurt by it...seeing as how he was one of the all time greats in the business, but then to find out later that he was responsible for the deaths and then killed himself....that shocked the hell out of me. I imagine he and his wife had a heated arguement about something to do with the son and how she would like Benoit home more.
Benoit who has had more than a few concussions, was probably on his share of pain killers and steroids and still dealing with the death of his best friend (Eddie Guerrero) was probably not in a good frame of mind to hear "I want you to quit wrestling or to cut back". Those that follow wrestling know that Benoit was dedicated to his profession. Hearing those words probably sent Benoit into rage...not just Roid Induced rage as everybody says...but a rage related to his altered mind..(from the roids, pain medication, concussions etc.) He kills the wife and then later his son. Now probably realizing that if he is arrested he will surely be sentenced to death or spend life in prison....he decides to kill himself.
The media has tunnel visioned it's focus on steroids and Vince McMahon (CEO of WWE) has focused on Chris Benoit being a monster....and everybody says they didn't see this coming....BULLSHIT!!!
1. His best friend dies...I'm wondering if he ever talked that out with anybody? Everybody says he kept his emotions inside.
2. Concussions...It's been documented that Chris suffered a few of these in his life and a recent Sporting News article states that concussions can affect your mental abilities.
3. Pain killers- Given all of his injuries...Im sure he was on a few pain killers which can have an adverse affect.
4. Steroids- The roid rage and mood altering side effects are well documented.
Given all of this...shouldn't somebody had put those together and tried helping the guy before something bad happened? Vince McMahon couldnt give a rat's ass about his people...all he cares about is his money. So that leaves the WWE physicians...but there job is to patch these guys up as fast as they can so that they can get out there and make the company they aren't going to say anything.
The WWE needs to stop looking at their wrestlers as just pieces of meat and dollar signs and start treating them as the human beings that they are.

Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

In 2003 as Hurricane Isabelle was approaching Washington , DC , our US Senate/House took 2 days off with anticipation of the storm. On the ABC evening news, it was reported that because of the dangers from the hurricane, the military members assigned the duty of guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier were given permission to suspend the assignment. They respectfully declined the offer, "No way, Sir!" Soaked to the skin,marching in the pelting rain of a tropical storm, they said that guarding the Tomb was not just an assignment, it was the highest honor that can be afforded to a serviceperson. The tomb has been patrolled continuously, 24/7, since 1930.

Jericho got cancelled (5/17/2007)

I only watch 2 shows on CBS...Jericho and Price is Right. Well Bob Barker is retiring and they are thinking of replacing him with Rosie (Im a fat bitch) O' Donnell so I guess no more Price is Right for me. Then the jackasses that be at CBS decide not to renew Jericho!! Excuse me? Come again? These same idiots are going to have a show about a vampire who is a detective who solves crimes!! What the fuck kind of dumb ass show is that??
  CBS will add three dramas, one sitcom and a reality show to its schedule this fall.
1 of the dramas is about a vampire who moonlights as a private eye.
Another drama stars Hugh Jackman as a man who runs a casino in Nevada. The series contains musical interludes, which could give Jackman a chance to sing and dance.
"Hugh Jackman singing and dancing??? Come on he's fucking Wolverine for Christ' sake....dont do that to the man!!!"
The new comedy is about two intellectuals who know nothing about love.
Oh yeah that is just screaming laughter isnt it? What the fuck do I care about a couple of nerds who cant score??
The reality show will give 40 kids 40 days to build a new world in a ghost town in New Mexico.
And this isnt on Nickelodeon because why??

What the hell CBS?? You cancel Jericho for this garbage?

The last 6 months have been awesome (4-25-2007)

Since last November it seems my life has done a 180 from where I was last summer. Last summer I was 30 Lbs overweight, car less, Grace had shredded what was left of my heart, her mom passed away, my cholesterol level was off the charts, my job life was basically at a standstill.
Fast forward to present time...I'm 30 Lbs lighter and just joined a gym. I have an awesome 1999 Chevy Malibu (Thanks to my friend Jerry) that runs awesome. A few months ago I went to the UCLA celebration in Westwood and a couple of college girls felt me up (now that just made my head blow up). I have a new position at work which is awesome and I love it and my hours. And there is even a new lady friend in my life...Im taking that really slow but things are going very she's freakin hot...hotter than anything I ever thought I could date....(Knock on wood) This year has become awesome!!

Virginia Tech Shootings 4/2007

"The university reported shootings at opposite sides of the 2,600-acre campus, beginning at about 7:15 a.m. at West Ambler Johnston, a co-ed residence hall that houses 895 people, and continuing about two hours later at Norris Hall, an engineering building."
2 hours later?? Why didn't somebody lock down the campus? Where were the police? Why wasn't a perimeter established to find the shooter?
They had us under lockdown," Kanode said. "They temporarily lifted the lockdown, the gunman shot again."
Why did they lift the lockdown if they hadn't caught anybody yet?

Christy Hemme, Lou Ferrigno, Brande Roderick, Gene Simmons

Im at the Wizard World Convention at the L.A. Convention Center yesterday and I'm at Christy Hemme's booth talking to her when I see Lou Ferrigno walk up and shake her hand and start Im there just chatting with Lou and Christy when Brande Roderick stands up from her table to join in on the there I am talking with Christy Hemme, Lou Ferrigno and Brande Roderick...and then Brande looks up and just says..."Gene'!!!...I look and low and behold there's Gene Simmons...and to top it off my camera wasn't working right or this wouldve been a group photo for the ages...

Super Bowl 41

Well another Super Bowl has come and gone. Congratulations to the Colts and the Colts fans for winning the Super Bowl, being a lifelong Raiders fan myself I forget what it's like to win a Super Bowl. I like many of my fellow Raider fans have something in common with the Cuban community in Miami...we are on a death watch as well. Whereas the Cubans are waiting for Fidel Castro to die and evidently are ready to party in the Orange Bowl when he does, us Raider fans wait for the day Al Davis goes belly up. For those that dont know who the guy is..Al Davis is the owner of the Raiders and single handedly responsible for them sucking ass right now.  In 1998 he drafted a kicker (Sebastian Janikowski) in the 1st fucking know who the very next pick was? Shaun Alexander of the Seahawks!! Good going Al!!
Now Al goes and hires a guy that has no NFL coaching experience. I applied for the job I figured my years of playing Madden on various systems and my 2 years of Powder Puff Coaching would be enough...but Al said I was over qualified.
After 28+ years of being a Raiders fan all I have to say is "Go Carolina Panthers"!!! Those that know me know I liked them from there first year playing so its all good!

Dan Marino (2-7-2007)

If you are not a sports fan then skip this blog...but if you are keep reading...
Once again congrats to the Colts and Peyton Manning for winning the Super Bowl but there is one thing that has been bugging me that Id like to vent about. I would like all of the Sports Writers/Broadcasters to get off of Dan Marino's back about not winning a Super Bowl!!! They make it seem like he was the only guy on those teams. It takes a team to win football games...not just one freakin guy. There were 2 important ingredients lacking during Marino's time in Miami and that's a consistent running game and an above average defense. Hell the lack of a running game is why Marino owns all of those passing records and yeah he had a great arm and all...but if he didnt have to throw 40+ times a game he might not have set all of those records. I'm at looking at who some of his running backs were during his tenure and it reads like a who's who of no names and convicts! Tony Nathan, Troy Stradford,  Lorenzo Hampton, Sammie Smith, Mark Higgs, Terry Kirby, Bernie Parmalee, Karim Abdul Jabaar (The only 1000 yd rusher of the group), OJ McDuffie, JJ Johnson are all the big name running backs that Marino had behind him during his career. No Emmit Smiths, Walter Paytons, Terrell Davis or even Corey Dillons in the group..No RB that could carry the team if Marino had an off night. Every Super Bowl winner has had an above average running game to support it. Something which Marino never the next time the sportswriters dog Marino because he never won the big game...take a look at the people he had around him.

Celebrities (2/3/2007)

Am I the only one who is getting sick and damn tired of hearing on a daily basis what celebrity is dating who? Who has just checked into rehab? Which self absorbed celeb is feuding with whatother self absorbed celeb?......Let me ask one question.."Who honestly gives a flying fuck?"
A couple of weeks ago Rosie O' hypocrite Donell fresh off of her feud with Kelly Ripa over a freakin hand in the face bullshit incident calls out Donald Trump over his forgiving the Miss USA lady for being a drunk and then these 2 prima donnas go back and forth for a couple of weeks...hell it even permeated into my Monday Night Raw show when they did a parody of the 2 fighting each other. Why do I know so much about something I care so little about? Because the fucking news covers it like it is a major news story. This crap usually follows the update on the war in Iraq. Top story is Iraq...story number 2 O'Donnel and Trump??
Lindsay Lohan checks into rehab....once again I dont give a shit!!
Cameron Diaz, Paris Hilton, Jessica Biel, Justin Timberlake..who's dating who? I dont know and I dont give a damn!! But the news makes sure we know.
Whatever happened to the Bob Hope's of the world? You know the guy who would go into a warzone and entertain our troops. Betty Grable, Marilyn Monroe and Judy Garland in tow with him. They all had their problems sure...but the problems took a back seat to real news of the day. You know like World War 2??
If it wasn't for the media covering every non panty wearing pop songstress. Or tabloids paying top dollar for pics of the Scientology Messiah Suri...these people would beg for exposure, but as it is as long as people buy the Enquierer and care about whats in it or watch Entertainment Tonight to hear about the latest bullshit feud...this crap will continue.

You Know You are From Chino When....(1-11-2007)

You know you're from Chino when..."

1. You know when DAL won the last Milkcan game.
2. You know what DAL stands for.
3. You know what the Milkcan game is. ****GO CHINO HIGH!!!
4. You know you are from Chino when people say "Damn! Whats that smell?" and you reply, "What smell?"
5. You know you are from Chino when you know what "smells like Chino" means *Smells like Home
6. You know you are from Chino when the only thing people do is hang out at the Spectrum and listen to the crappy bands
7. You know you are from Chino when your idea of a scary time is green mist and the cooper house
8. You know you are from Chino when people ask where you are from and you say; Chino, and they respond "Oh! Where the prison is?"
9. You know you are from Chino when you have at least one friend who lives on a farm still.
10. You know when you are from Chino when you have a llama and cows at your school
11. You know you are from Chino when you watch the O.C. and get offended ****HA HA, FUNNY SHIT
12. You know you are from Chino when you can honestly say you know who Diana Taurasi is... ****who the hell is this?
13. You know you are from Chino when all there is to do at night is to go toilet papering, cow tipping, or ice blocking.
14. You know you are from Chino when you walk into Kelly's and half the joint is from your old high school.
15. You know you are from Chino when you drive by what used to be "Drug Emporium" and it is now "Gigantic Super Mercado"
16. You know you are from Chino when at least half of the girls from your high school work at one of the 2,356 tanning booths in your local area.
17. You know you are from Chino when one Del Taco is closed, so you just make a left turn and.... voila! Another Del Taco!!
18. You know you are from Chino when youre baking and you run out of milk, so all you have to do is hop in your car and hit up the drive-through dairy down the street. ***Good old drive thru, they sell smokes 2
19. You know you are from Chino when you need a new shirt, so you just hit up one of the local Fashion Zones.
20. You know you are from Chino when someone asks where youre from, and you start preparing the "Its really not as bad as everyone thinks...." speech.
21. You know what the airport lounge is and know that on any given night, the bar may have up to 15 people in there (tractor trailer parking directly outside)
22. You know you are from Chino and went to CHS when all 10 of the P.E. teachers are football coaches.
23. You know you are from Chino when you get all excited and make everyone shut up when Snoop Dogg raps about living "in the hills, right next to Chino."
24. You know you are from Chino when you dont need to go to high school reunions to see everyone; all you need to do is go to the demolition derby!
25.You know you're from Chino when people from Orange County think your gangster despite the fact you are clearly white
26. You know you're from Chino when at least 2 people you know have had a DUI
27.You know you're from Chino when at the very same party you have people 5 years younger and 5 years older then you. know you are from chino when every one of your brothers has played for Chino High football
29. You know you are from chino when you have to go parties out side of chino cuz there arent any
30. You know you are from chino when your 12-year-old brother is drinking at the same party that you are at
31. You know you are from chino when you get angry when you hear the words Chino Hills
32. You know you are from Chino when you say "Let's meet at Chino Burger for breakfast" and you're friends show up at ranch burger, chino burger, and super chiliburger. (True story)
33. You STILL call the Ralphs on Mountain Ave. Alpha-beta
34.You know you're from Chino when you think about the old times at the old AMC theatre, Kelly's, Godfather's, skate express, New York Pizzeria, and EZ Take Out
35. You've had the conversation with your friends about Chino Hills trying to claim ownership of the spectrum when it's clearly on Chino Grounds.
36. You know that there is no mist at Green Mist and that there is more than one "haunted" Kevin Cooper house.
37. You know you're from Chino when you can tell inquiring minds just which episode of The Simpsons Chino is mentioned, and who mentions it. (Day of the Jackanapes, Sideshow Bob.) "Oh, honestly! At Chino, they get to stay up till nine!"
38. You are somehow connected to either the Carver or Wolfinbarger families. Or both.
39. You check the champion to see whom you went to school with is getting married. Then feel really good when you see their spouse is ugly.
40. Any of the Ulloa kids have threatened to have their mom kick you out of Chino.
42. You know Officer McCombs, and know he's an asshole.
43. You've ever bought pot or cigarettes off the ice cream man. ****Damn Ice Cream Man
44. Living in track housing makes you fancy
45. You've dry camped at the Prado Balloon Festival
46. You know the Chino Sinners are now just fat balding old guys who get together to hold BBQ's for their families.
47. You wake up for a hangover and met your crew at Flo's for breakfast
48. You know where Hottinger's meats is
49. You know that all the streets that have a number in its name are where the Chino Sinners live
50. You remember when someone pooped in your school pool and it wasn't you.
51. You know what a conquistador is
52. You know where to buy speed and/or can name 1 or more meth labs.
53. You remember when Chino Hills was nothing but Los Serranos
54. You remember the PIG MAN!
55. You know where to buy cigarettes and beer and your underage
56. You know who owns a pool and spend all of your time there
57. Youve eaten at Joey's BBQ
59. On Halloween you know who gives mini wonder breads and cheese popcorn away
60. You wake up and smell the Wonder bread factory!
61. You know that the DAL kids are good at track because theyre used to running from law enforcement
62. Youve ever conducted illegal activities in "the wash."
63. You know youre from chino when its 115 degrees outside, no shade and you say, "well at least its cooler then it was yesterday".
64. You have partied at the bridge, and there was once a Ghost at Remington Bridge
65. You know where the DES hall is
66. You know youre from Chino when you know that Ontario Street was the hang out on Friday and Saturday nights. And if you were there on the weeknights it was just to get stoned and head home!
67. You know youre from Chino when the CHS cheerleaders are running from the cops in their cheer uniforms because they were ditching.
68. You know only the stoners hang out at the church across the street from CHS.
69. You know youre from Chino if you know who Coach Monger is.
70. You know where Bum Street is at.....

Rosie O'Donnell (11/28/2006)

Is there a dumber more annoying bitch than Rosie O'Donnell? Last week Clay Aiken was co hosting on the Regis and Kelly Ripa Show...when he placed his hand over Kelly's mouth. She took exception to it...of course she would...who would want somebody's hand over their mouth? ANYBODY'S HAND!!!  Now the next day Rose goes off saying that Kelly only said it because Clay is gay!! How ignorant is that is Rosie saying she wouldnt be mad if I placed my hand over her mouth? Of course she would....she doesnt know where my hand has been either. Rosie O'Donnell is a bitter old hag!!

Motley Crue/Aerosmith (11-12-2006)

Last night I saw Motley Crue and Aerosmith at Hyundai Pavillion in Devore. Motley Crue came out first and put on a rockin good show...there were spots where Vince Neil struggled through a song or 2 but overall it was a good set. They played all of the favorites and Mick Mars played an awesome solo of Voodoo Child by Jimi Hendrix. Tommy Lee had a brain fart because he said he was happy to be back in San Diego.......but that could be excused by the bottle of Goldshlager and his other concoctions he was was pure Crue!!
Aerosmith was up next and I swear when I turn 50...I want to be able to move around like Steven Tyler!! Aerosmith proved that they are easily one of the top live acts in the business. Mostly concentrating on early stuff and even breaking out "Kings and Queens" which pleasantly surprised me...and then came Dream On and Sweet Emotion...if you have never heard Dream On are truly missing out....if you are a 'Smith fan you need to see them live at least once in your life. Ive seen them twice now and plan on seeing them more!!

Random Thoughts 10-27-2006

Well it's rant time again....
Andy Milonakis- How does this fat little bastard have his own show on MTV2 if he isnt funny? Maybe it's a sign that Im getting older that I find him verry unfunny.
George Bush- How ironic that a couple of weeks before election that he finally admits that things might not be going as well in Iraq as he has been saying. Well duh you Texas two steppin redneck son of a bitch...You finally realized that Iraq is one big cluster fuck?
Rush Limbaugh- Hey you fat pain pill addicted asshole....I have shakes to that I cant control and get worse from time to time...why dont you come make fun of me to my face you fat slob!!
Ann Coulter- Come on woman....just admit you like it rough and you will be all the happier for it.
Hillary Clinton- So if elected are you going to be hiring young male interns?
Karl Dorrell (UCLA Head Coach)- A QB sneak on 4th and 1 inside your own 40 in the 2nd Quarter with all 11 Irish in the box? Are you a fuckin idiot or what? I wouldnt do that shit on my PS2!
Lost- 6 shows and then a 13 week hiatus? Thats like getting a bj and she stops just before climax and says she will be back tomorrow to finish...
Madonna- So fucking what if she adopted and African baby....most of the people lambasting her probably have never even dropped a dime in those charity collections at 7-11!!
Kevin Federline- Why?
Janet Jackson- Appearing half nude on a half dozen magazines will not make your album sell better. You want your album to sell better? Include a second disc in which you explain why your brother is such a freak.
Rob Zombie- He's going to direct a remake of Halloween....he's about to show these amateurs how its really done. Anybody seen Devils Rejects? Fucken awesome!
Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes- Who gives a flying fuck???
Al Davis/Fidel Castro- Which one will die first? Im hoping Al.
Tony Snow-(Whitehouse Spokesman) So how far up George Bush's ass are you exactly? Can you see what he had for dinner?
George Bush/Dick Cheney- Well here's proof that Bush and Dick dont always go together!
Cocaine Energy Drink- Thats just long did you think it would take before people raised a fuss?