I Know A Porn Star

I Know A Porn Star!!
So one morning in 1997 Im listening to Howard Stern and he's talking to some porn stars (whatelse is new right?) One of them introduces herself as Alisha Klass...so far the name has no meaning to me...but then she discusses being arrested at a porn convention for indecency (How the fuck does that happen?) Howard reads the report and divulges her real name....Alicia Pieri...I just about spit out whatever I was drinking and scrambled to pick up a phone. I called my friend Tim who is flabergasted he had no idea. At the time I was living with my friend Shaun and his wife at the time Rene...so I called Shaun and told him and he just about doubled over. So Tim comes and gets me later that night and we are now on a mission...to find an Alisha Klass movie!!
First stop the always classy Toy Box in Upland....we walk in and start looking around...we had no idea where to look or anything so we asked the lady behind the counter if she had any Alisha Klass movies and she said that they do not carry any Seymour Butts related stuff. I looked at her with a blank look..."Who the hell is Seymour Butts"?...she said like I shouldve known..."thats Alisha's husband/producer"....Oh of course I shouldve fucken known....she gives us a few titles of Alisha Klass movies...such classics such as "Behind The Sphinc Door", "Tushy Heaven", and "Tampa Tushy Fest"...(Seeing a pattern in the titles?)...Tim and I wont be deterred...we will find an Alisha Klass movie damnit!!!
So with our new found knowledge we continue to the always elegant Deja Vu in Ontario and I go right to the clerk and ask if they had "Behind the Sphinc Door"...the clerks asks how to spell Sphinc...and Tim laughs as I spell it with exasperation....S....P.....H...I.....N...C...the clerk says nope...and that they had no Alisha Klass videos....."DAMNIT!! I thought...what kind of porno store is this???"
Tim and I decide to change our porno finding strategy and try a store we wouldn't think would have it....Super Duper Video...of course to access the porno section here...you have to open this loud ass door that just says "Perverts entering...everybody look"!!! We go back there and low and behold what do we find?? ...The Alisha Klass Klassic.,..."Tushy Heaven"....Tim and I high fived each other and without thinking take the box to the clerk....the clerk looks at us and says the video is in a black box in the back...Tim all but runds back and gets the actual video case....we leave the store triumphant with video in hand and rush back to my apartment where Shaun is chilling on the couch watching TV....I tell Shaun...we foud an Alisha Klass porno!! Shaun flies off of the couch and puts the video in his VCR and we all sit down to watch it...right then Joe shows up to see whats up..and we tell him to sit down and enjoy the show...
The video opens with Alisha opening a door and saying..."Ive been s horny waiting all day for you"....I wish a camera couldve snapped apicture of the expressions on all of our faces as we watched this girl we all knew from high school invite us into her bedroom....Joe hanst figured out who she is yet...so I run and retrieve my yearbook and show him...his eyes light up...THATS ALICIA PIERI?? Gawd Damn.
So here's the scene....four guys watching a porno with our mouths wide open and the door opens and theres Shaun's wife at the time Renee...."What the hell are you guys watching"? Shaun grabs my yearbook and explains it to her....she just shakes her head and goes into hers and Shauns room.
Thats All Folks!!